Changes

It is less than one month until Jake is at college starting his new life.

Realization hit last night when he and Nick were bantering at dinner. I went from laughter to teary-eyes back to laughter in a matter of seconds. We have only one month left of these daily interactions.

One month until our lives drastically change. One month until a piece of my heart is on the other side of the country. One month until our family is no longer whole. One month until my baby (who is obviously no longer a baby) spreads his wings and leaves the nest.

I know many people have experienced this before, but this is my first time to have a child grow up and move away. There are so many emotions. Excitement for him to start this journey. Sadness to lose him at home. Worry that I didn’t prepare him well enough. Anticipation to see how he’ll grow through this . . . how I’ll grow through this. Peace because I know that is exactly where he’s supposed to be.

I often find myself asking lately, how did it go so fast? How are we already sending him off to college? Where did the time go??

“Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back, everything is different?”

— C.S. Lewis

My beautiful little boy with white-blonde hair and bright blue eyes has grown into a respectable young man. Though the boy is bigger and much has changed, it's not just the bright blue eyes that are the same. He still has the same determination, the same tenacity, the same independence, the same brilliant mind. He's ready to go out into the world and put into practice the skills we have taught him.

Though my heart hurts for what I am losing, it joys for what he is gaining. New experiences, new friends, more responsibility. A chance to truly grow up. I know he is ready for this next step.

And, in a way, so am I.

Though I'm going to miss him immensely, I expect him to make me proud.

He already has.