Changes

It is less than one month until Jake is at college starting his new life.

Realization hit last night when he and Nick were bantering at dinner. I went from laughter to teary-eyes back to laughter in a matter of seconds. We have only one month left of these daily interactions.

One month until our lives drastically change. One month until a piece of my heart is on the other side of the country. One month until our family is no longer whole. One month until my baby (who is obviously no longer a baby) spreads his wings and leaves the nest.

I know many people have experienced this before, but this is my first time to have a child grow up and move away. There are so many emotions. Excitement for him to start this journey. Sadness to lose him at home. Worry that I didn’t prepare him well enough. Anticipation to see how he’ll grow through this . . . how I’ll grow through this. Peace because I know that is exactly where he’s supposed to be.

I often find myself asking lately, how did it go so fast? How are we already sending him off to college? Where did the time go??

“Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back, everything is different?”

— C.S. Lewis

My beautiful little boy with white-blonde hair and bright blue eyes has grown into a respectable young man. Though the boy is bigger and much has changed, it's not just the bright blue eyes that are the same. He still has the same determination, the same tenacity, the same independence, the same brilliant mind. He's ready to go out into the world and put into practice the skills we have taught him.

Though my heart hurts for what I am losing, it joys for what he is gaining. New experiences, new friends, more responsibility. A chance to truly grow up. I know he is ready for this next step.

And, in a way, so am I.

Though I'm going to miss him immensely, I expect him to make me proud.

He already has.

Homeschooling on the Extra Wild, Extra Crazy, Extra Chaotic Days

 

I often tell people that I love homeschooling. And I do!

But that doesn't mean that it's easy. There are times when the kids don't want to do their work, or continually tease each other, or won't stop bouncing off the walls. They are kids with their own opinions and personalities and various moods. And to complicate it even further, they have a mother with her own opinions and personality and various moods.

Most of the time, we all get along really well together. Sometimes though, someone is a bit cranky and individuals clash. More clashing means more crankiness. It repeats in a vicious cycle.

Some days are just tough.

Yesterday was one of those days. It was a trifecta morning where we had not wanting to do work mixed with teasing each other all while bouncing off the walls.  

I felt my frustrations rising. We still had nearly a full day of school left and a houseful of people struggling to get it done. I threatened to send everyone back to bed and start the day over. It's at times like this when it's most important for me to get myself in order. 

The saying "If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy" goes much deeper than obey and keep Mama happy. It also means, Mama, watch your own attitude. Those children are looking at you and feeding off your emotions. If you're cranky, they'll probably be irritable too. But if you choose to keep a good attitude, they'll emulate your actions. 

Attitude affects behavior.

Hey, they can sit still!

When the normal routine is not working, it's time to change it up. We did schoolwork inside big pillow and blanket forts, played a few games, and (the most useful tactic in all my years of homeschooling) distracted the littlest one so the older kids could focus on their work. 

Did that mean my kids immediately turned into sweet, little angels that were thrilled to complete assignments and read well-past their required time? Ha, not hardly. But it got us through the day with minimal complaints and maybe a smidgen less wall-bouncing. Maybe. 

My kids are just like your kids; I'm just like you. We just happen to homeschool. It's what's best for our family, even on the extra wild, extra crazy, and extra chaotic days. 

It's not always easy, but it's always worth it.

Provoking Others

Leighton and I minister in the teen department at our church. It's such a fun group filled with energy and excitement. And, oh, the potential! On Sundays, he works with the high school guys, while I'm with the junior high girls. Every now and then though, our youth pastor keeps everyone together for the Sunday School lesson instead of splitting into groups after announcements and a game like normal.  

It was one of those days when the Scripture jumped out at me.

In the class, our youth pastor encouraged the teenagers to live godly lives. Totally what you would expect in a church atmosphere, right? Unfortunately, teens (adults, children, anyone) can get caught up in the things of the world. I think teenagers, especially, struggle with this. They are going through changes, dealing with peer pressure, worrying about the future. It can be difficult to take a stand, even in a church or Christian school. Talking about the Bible and spiritual things should be commonplace, while crude jokes and inappropriate language should be admonished--not only by adults, but their peers as well. 

As he was reading in Hebrews 10, verse 24 jumped out at me, "And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works."

Provoke.

I generally think of provoking in a negative sense.

And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath, 

but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. ~ Ephesians 6:4

Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged. ~ Colossians 3:21

The Bible is filled with verses of provoked to anger, provoked to wrath, provoked to jealousy. In fact, 76 times the word provoked is used. All of them use it toward a negative reaction. All, but one.

provoke, verb

1. to call forth (a feeling, an action, etc.)
2. to stir up purposely
3. to provide the needed stimulus for

And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works.

We should be striving to live godly lives ourselves, of course, but more than that, we should be purposely stirring up others to live right, too. Encouraging. Persuading. Prodding. 

Provoking. 

I think of provoking as a sibling who loves to poke at another, whether with words or actions--constantly being an annoyance until the innocent brother or sister gets frustrated. That child is not deterred by anything, but stays persistent until he achieves his goal of making the other person shout in response. And then he laughs. 

I have two kids who think this kind of provoking is an enjoyable game (as long as they are the ones harassing, ha). And while it is not a fun experience for most, it is profitable for the zealous provoker who is rewarded for his efforts with a change in attitude from the one he is irritating.

That's how we should be as Christians. 

Oh, I'm not saying we need to be annoying and overbearing and rude, but we need that same tenacity toward other Christians. Just like a provoker keeps prodding until he gets the response he's looking for, we should have that same commitment to encouraging Christians to live right 

The verses that sandwich number 24 build on that truth:

Let us hold fast the profession of our faith without wavering; (for he is faithful that promised;)

And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works:

Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching.

Hold fast the profession . . . provoke unto love and good works . . . not forsaking . . exhorting one another.

Let's stir each other up for Christ! If you see someone struggling, help them. If you find one going down a dangerous path, give advice. Encourage. Guide. Pray. Love.

Point others to Christ.

You can still influence people during this time of social distancing, maybe even more so now. Check in with your friends. Remind them that you love them. Ask what they've been reading in their Bible. Encourage them to use this time to draw closer to God.

We may not be able to meet in the church building right now, but we can still be a blessing, we can still do right, we can still minister, we can still love.

Let's provoke--call forth, stir up--unto love and to good works.

My Parents

I was looking for a specific memento today. I had a good idea where it was, but wasn't certain of the exact box. I climbed under our basement stairs in the alcove that we use as storage and began removing boxes one by one from the shelves. As I took off each lid, I was taken back to my childhood. Pictures, awards, letters, trinkets--these were windows to my past. 

I brought up one of the boxes to share the memories with my kids. In it were a few of my old Awana books (why did I even keep them?). I had told the kids how different the books were from the one that they use now. Today I showed them. We read stories I had written, laughed at silly poems I composed, and realized that once-upon-a-time I wasn't too bad at drawing (when did that change?). 

Tucked deep into the box was a handful of loose stationery dated July 10, 1995. I was 13 years old and wrote this poem for my parents:

I Love You

If I could have one wish,

I'd tell you what it would be.

It wouldn't be gold or diamonds

Or money just for me.

I'd wish for the great parents

That I have today

For they always make me happy

And turn the sky from blue to gray.

My parents love and care for me

And that to me is kind,

And if I look for better parents,

I could never find.

I love my parents very much

Although it might not show.

I wanted to tell them how I felt,

but how I did not know!

I tried to pick Mom flowers 

And for Dad some macadamia nuts,

But whenever I touched the roses

All over my hand I got cuts.

I thought to help around the house

And do some extra chores.

I could vacuum, dust, mop, and clean,

And then wash all the doors. 

But what I wanted to do for them

Was something that would last much longer

Just to show them that my love 

Was ever so much stronger.

The idea finally hit me,

And I knew what to do.

I would write them a poem

that said, "I love you!"

I decided to share it here, not because of my rhyming skills, ha, but because all those years ago I wanted to give them something that "would last much longer." It's been 24 years, and though I had forgotten about the poem, my feelings are the same. 

My parents truly are the greatest. Now I get to see their love toward not only me, but my husband and 5 children, as well. Selfless. Giving. Loving. 

We are beyond blessed. 

When You Don't Want To

"There are always going to be things in your life that you have to do but don't want to do."

I can't tell you how many times in the last few weeks I've said that to my kids. The freedoms of our summer schedule have been replaced with an increase in work and responsibilities. Every time they bemoan a task, I remind them of that statement.

"You don't have to like it. But you have to do it and you have to have a good attitude."

If I didn't wash our laundry, we'd walk around in stinky clothes. If Leighton didn't go to work every day, we'd have no home and no food. There will always be things such as going to doctor appointments, paying bills, cleaning toilets, maintaining a home and vehicle, managing money, raising children and reprimanding disobedient behavior, cooking, cleaning, chores. Life is full of responsibilities. 

"You never reach a point in your life when you can do only the things you want. Never. You will always have responsibilities you don't like. It's part of living."

So as I have been reminding my children of that, I experienced my own "I don't want to!" situation. I grumbled about the injustice to Leighton while the kids were getting ready for bed. It wasn't fair and I didn't want to do it.

That's when the Holy Spirit whispered my own words back to me.

"There are always going to be things in your life that you have to do but don't want to do."

Oh. Ouch.

While I realized the reality of certain responsibilities, I failed to apply that thinking to other areas of my life. I was acting just like my children by throwing a mini fit.

But I don't want to! I don't feel like it! It's not fair. Why do I have to?

Those same selfish and juvenile traits were manifesting in my much-too-old-to-be-acting-like-a-child behavior. Then my own parenting guidance came rushing back like a slap in the face. You know, when someone puts you in your place and you get a heaviness in your chest or a pit in your stomach.

The longer I parent, the more I realize that the lessons I am trying to teach my children are ones that I need to work on, too. We could all use more kindness. More selflessness. More integrity. More hard work. More empathy. More love.

I've always been a huge believer that you determine your attitude. You cannot control your circumstances, but you can control your response to them. After all, Paul and Silas sang in prison, Job praised God even after he lost everything, and Daniel continued to show respect to the king even while surrounded by hungry lions. It wasn't that they were in pleasant situations with everything going right; it was that they kept positive attitudes and trusted the Lord.

Having a good attitude isn't going to change the circumstance, but it will always make it more bearable. The psalmist described it perfectly in chapter 17: "A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones."

As soon as I felt that prickling of the Holy Spirit reminding me of the lesson which I was trying to teach my children, I knew I needed to change my own attitude--not only because my little ones had heard my grumbling, but because it was the right thing to do. I still don't want to handle this responsibility that's going to take hours of my time over the next many weeks, but I determined not to complain about it anymore. I will do my best and with a good attitude. These little ones of mine are always watching, and I never want to appear hypocritical to them. Do as I say and not as I do is not an option. 

Yes, there are always going to be things in your life that you have to do but don't want to do, but your attitude will make all the difference.

Play Update #1

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We did 30 Days of Playing in June! I had been planning to post a few updates along the way, not just for accountability, but for inspiration, as well, because it's always fun learning new ways to connect with our kids.

But here we are, weeks passed June, and I'm just posting the first list. I guess we've just been having too much fun playing to stop and sit at a computer!

Here is what we played the beginning of the month. Maybe you can find a new toy or game to play with your family. Feel free to share what you've played last month, too!

1. Frisbee -- This ring frisbee is a fun variation of the classic and much easier for little ones to catch.

2. Rummikub -- This is our current favorite game! It's a rummy-style game played with tiles for 2-4 players. Alyssa (11 yr) loves this one because you manipulate the tiles to do what you want. It's a great strategy game for the older ones, but also a good game to reinforce numbers and matches for our 4-year-old. 

3. Football -- This is my favorite football! It's small enough that it fits perfectly in my hand and is a much better fit for the younger kids. It's softer than a regular football, too. Easy to catch, easy to throw. Perfect. The kids and I spent many hours tossing it around. 

4. Water Balloons -- Who doesn't love water balloons on a hot, summer day?! We grabbed a pack of 100 from the dollar store and filled them all. Many were thrown in a typical water balloon fight, others were reserved for tossing back and forth, and some were used for slow-motion videos. We had a lot of fun throwing the balloons on the ground or hitting them with a baseball bat and watching the replays in slo-mo.  

5. Melissa & Doug Castle Puzzle -- A few months ago we started putting together regular puzzles as a family. After many years of babies and toddlers in the house, we're at a point where we don't have to worry about a little one pulling pieces off a table or putting them in their mouth. We've mostly done 1,000-piece puzzles, but I had gotten this 200-piece castle one a couple years ago and never opened it. It's since been discontinued, but it was a fun and super quick build. I have my eye on this colorful doors puzzle next!

6. Football -- We spent another full day tossing, throwing, playing, and tackling.

7. White Mountain Candy Wrappers Puzzle -- Another puzzle! I had just purchased this one because the price had dropped and even though I hadn't been planning to assemble it right away, the kids asked. We finished it up that evening when Leighton came home from work. The White Mountain puzzles are our favorites. They are well-made and have fun designs. This candy one was a fun puzzle for everybody!

8. Painting and Shopping -- No, those things aren't really playing. I know. Leighton had pulled up the carpet in our living room and had just refinished the hardwood floor. Since the room was empty, I thought it was the perfect time to paint--the living room, the entryway, and the hallway. It took the whole day to get it done. Even though there was no time to stop and play, I let the older kids paint for a bit (they thought it was like playing!) and then took them with me grocery shopping after the first coat of paint. We laughed and joked a lot and still spent quality time together even though we didn't play a game.

9. Yes and No -- We've been playing this game for so many years that I don't remember how it started.  It's like Twenty Questions, except the number of questions doesn't matter. Everything has to be a yes or no question and it has to be something everyone knows. Even toddlers like this one, even if they don't fully understand. We play mostly during dinner, but car rides are fun, too. Whoever guesses correctly gets to pick the next round.

10. Pirate Maze Book -- This is such a fun puzzle book from Usborne! It has over 60 pages of pirate-themed mazes. It is filled with cute details and tons of sailor, undersea, and treasure references--perfect for pirates and landlubbers alike. My younger boys love this book and have spent hours poring through the pages. There is so much going on in the book that we always find something new to enjoy when we do it.

That's only some of the fun we had during our 30 Days of Playing challenge! The fun hasn't ended just because the month did though, so feel free to list some of your family's favorite games and toys! 

And be watching for more ways that we played in the month of June.

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Father's Day 2019

Father's Day is a special time.

Our society thinks it's funny to bash dads--to mock them, belittle them, ridicule them. I know there are many men who shirk their responsibilities, but we shouldn't let those men be the standard. My life is filled with strong, family-men--men who are hardworking, who love unconditionally, who remain faithful. We need to spend more time praising those who are good examples of what a father should be.

I want my kids to know how blessed they are to have the daddy they do. Leighton is our provider, our stability, our leader, our handyman, our resident tech geek, our protector. And he does all these jobs well. He is giving, intelligent, and honestly good at everything. He is forgiving and disciplines our children in love. 

He is well-deserving of our respect and honor, not only on Father's Day, but throughout the entire year. I could not ask for a better man to be the daddy of my babies.

Every year, I sit down with the kids one-on-one to complete these questionnaires. It's one of our favorite things. You can tell how important family is by reading their answers. 

By Jake, 13 yr

My dad is 36 years old.

My dad weighs 150 lbs.

My dad is 5’11”.

My dad's favorite color is green.

My dad's favorite food is banana pudding.

My dad is really strong. He could lift a lot.

My dad always says we better be good for Mom.

My dad is the best at making Mom happy.

My dad's job is taking care of us.

My dad laughs when Nicky mispronounces words.

My dad and I like to go to the store and play video games.

My dad really loves when we behave.

I love my dad because he loves me.

It makes my dad happy when Mom makes him rib and banana pudding.

Alyssa 11 yr

My dad is 36 years old.

My dad weighs 103 lbs.

My dad is 6’10” tall.

My dad's favorite color is green.

My dad's favorite food is ribs.

My dad is really strong. He could lift the van.

My dad always says “why is there another needle on the floor?”

My dad is the best at being a dad.

My dad's job is a safety guy.

My dad laughs when at half the jokes Jake says.

My dad and I like to read.

My dad really loves me.

I love my dad because he loves me.

It makes my dad happy when I’m good.

Zac, 9 yr

My dad is 36 years old.

My dad weighs 110 lbs.

My dad is 5'10” tall.

My dad's favorite color is green.

My dad's favorite food is steak.

My dad is really strong. He could lift 50 lbs.

My dad always says "I love you."

My dad is the best at fixing machines.

My dad's job is a safety guard.

My dad laughs when he reads these (questionnaires).

My dad and I like to play board games.

My dad really loves his family.

I love my dad because he’s my dad and we’re supposed to love our family.

It makes my dad happy when he’s around our family.

By Tyler, 7 yr

My dad is 36 years old.

My dad weighs 35 lbs.

My dad is 25 inches tall.

My dad's favorite color is green.

My dad's favorite food is everything Mommy makes.

My dad is really strong. He could lift a small table.

My dad always says "clean up your room."

My dad is the best at working.

My dad's job is to fix stuff.
My dad laughs at funny jokes.

My dad and I like to play with Legos.

My dad really loves Mommy!

I love my dad because he’s my dad.

It makes my dad happy when Mommy is making dinner.

By Nicholas, 4 yr

My dad is 4 years old.

My dad weighs 60 lbs.

My dad is 17 feet tall.

My dad's favorite color is blue.

My dad's favorite food is banana pudding.

My dad is really strong. He could lift a horse.

My dad is the best at lifting a pig.

My dad's job is to work.
My dad laughs when smelling flowers.

My dad and I like tackle.

My dad really loves Mommy!

I love my dad because.

It makes my dad happy when loving Mommy.

P.S. "And tell Daddy that I love marshmallows and hot dogs roasting on the fire!"

Happy Father's Day, Leighton! I hope you know how very much you are loved and appreciated. I love raising these kids with you. Thank you for being an amazing example to them.