A couple days ago I posted about my valley. No one likes to experience hard times, but sometimes it's those difficult situations that can teach you the most. As parents, we can give advice to our kids, but that doesn't always mean that they truly understand. Sometimes they have to experience something for the lesson to solidify in their mind.
And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
II Corinthians 12:9
Sometimes, God has to allow us, as His children, to learn lessons in the same way, but He's always faithful to help us through. There are many lessons that He is teaching me through this experience. These are some of the big ones.
Homeschooling has many benefits. I already have a list of reasons why homeschooling is perfect for our family, but I found another reason to be thankful. If I had to drive the kids to school and pick them up every day, it would have been very difficult. For one thing, the older kids have helped so much. Those first couple weeks when I couldn't do anything, they did it all. If they had been away at school, I would have been alone with an active toddler. Also, we would have to had made other driving arrangements during this time, which would make things complicated.
Instead, we were able to continue school from the couch. No, it's not ideal and it's certainly not without it's complications, especially because we've transitioned from a summer schedule to full-day schooling. On top of that, we have a toddler--who is already acting out because he knows something is wrong when Mommy is sitting all day--and who does not understand why his playmates aren't giving him their full attention--and who is in the still-needs-nap-but-refuses-to-take-napes stage. It's not been the easiest few of weeks of schooling. Not at all. But as I sit here, I can't help but be thankful for this opportunity and the blessings of it, especially during a hard time.
It's ok to ask for help. I bet this is a hard one for a lot of people. We think we can handle everything on our own. And it hurts our pride when we can't. I've said many times that I could never have a maid, because I'd clean the house myself before she even got here, ha. I've also said many times that clutter is stressful to me. Oh, I am all for making big messes for learning and fun (for instance, like here and here); it's just that they need to be cleaned up afterward. Aside from the playing though are the typical chores that arise daily--laundry, dishes, vacuuming, sweeping, sanitizing, decluttering. A lot of mess can happen in household of 7, especially when 6 of those people are here all day every day. Even if the kids always picked up everything after themselves all the time (riiight), there would still be chores that needed to be done, meals that needed to be cooked, bathrooms that needed to be cleaned, and dishes that needed to be washed. While I am training my kiddos to learn these life skills, I am the one who does the majority of the daily tasks. Now I cannot do these things and it all falls to others.
I've tried a couple different approaches to getting the work done. The best that I've found is when I specifically ask for certain chores to get done. Leighton works a grueling 50 hours a week. His workload is already too full, and now he picks up the slack at home, runs all the errands, and cares for the kids and me. Let's be honest, clutter does not bother him like it does me. On top of that, he really doesn't even realize all the needs to be done because he's never had to do it. Rather than ignoring it, waiting to see if he'll notice that {insert any chore} needs to be done, and getting frustrated when he doesn't . . . I just ask him to do it. And you know what? He does! As far as the kids, they've been helping a lot more, too. I may not be able to do much from the couch, but I can delegate really well, haha. I give each child a specific task. When they finish it, they get another. "Tyler, put away the shoes by the door. Alyssa empty the dishwasher. Nicky put away those books." Giving them each a specific job works so much better than "clean the kitchen." I've used this approach with them for years, but we're on a much bigger level now. I'm also blessed to have my mom so willing to help out. She came over many days in the beginning when I could not get up at all and even took Nick to spend the night at her house a couple nights. There are still a few times when the kids can't really do something and Leighton truthfully has not had the time, and all I have to do is ask and she comes. We also had other family and friends offer to do things. I'm learning that even though it's hard, it's ok to ask for help.
I am not in control. Oh, in theory I knew this, but in reality, I like to be in control--or at least as much as you can control things when you have a house full of little ones, ha. I am a doer. I like to plan and work. I don't sit down to relax until the kids are in bed and Leighton and I spend our alone time together. In the last month, I've done little else beside sitting. With that potential 6-month healing time looming over my head, I knew I couldn't push myself and chance injuring the ligaments more. At 2 weeks, the pain subsided a little and I was able to begin physical therapy exercises. Within a couple days the mobility of the ankle was greatly increased. By 3 weeks, I was able to put slight pressure on the foot as I used the crutches. I even could shuffle a few steps from the counter to the fridge if I absolutely needed to. The progress was exciting!
Then I made a huge mistake. I got fed up with sitting all day except for a few 15-minute periods where I was able to get up before being totally wiped out. There were things around the house that needed to be done. I realized that if I walked on just my toes and stayed off the rest of the foot, I was ok. I washed dishes and cleaned up the kitchen. I put away laundry and even changed the sheets on my bed. I went down the stairs one at a time sitting and scooching, washed a load of clothes, and went back up using my knee instead of my foot. It felt so good to do something profitable! Until I realized that the pain had returned full force. Worse than that, because of the way I was walking, I overexerted other ligaments, causing my ankle and leg to swell and ache in places it hadn't before. I was back to constant pain that woke me in the night. Again. I lost the mobility of the ankle. Again. I had shooting pains, again, but this time in previously uninjured locations along with everything that had been aching for weeks. It didn't take long to realize that those few things I was able to accomplish were not worth it. That was nearly 2 weeks ago, and I still am not where I was before that day.
I cannot control how quickly I heal. It doesn't matter how much I'd like to be able to do certain things, I can't just ignore that my body is not ready for that activity yet. This is probably the hardest lesson I'm learning.
Now is the perfect time to train young hearts. Training and teaching my little ones is always a priority for me (in fact, it is my focus this year), but habits can sneak up and, before you know it, you have a problem. It's like the backwards version of the idiom. In this case, it's you can't see the trees for the forest. Instead of being focused on details, you focus on the whole.
Being incapacitated for many weeks gives you a lot of time to step back and really see things. This time of stillness is helping me to be more in tune to my family, to recognize those "trees" that have grown in our forest and need to be removed or pruned. Attitudes that need tweaking, habits that need correcting, character traits that need improving. Because I don't have anything else vying for my attention, it's easier to identify the areas that need work and focus on correcting them. So many of these things are heart issues. The kids and I have had a lot of heart-to-heart talks in the last few weeks, helping them to recognize where they need change and helping them follow through. They have been some very special times. The problem though is that it's not just the kids who need work. God has shown me things in my own heart that need to change. Create in me a clean heart, O God has been my prayer (Psalm 51:10). Not having my typical responsibilities to distract me has given us the perfect opportunity to work on our hearts.
It's been a painful 5 weeks, and the end is nowhere in sight. But I am thankful for the lessons that I'm learning. I won't claim that everything is perfect now and my fears gone. There are good days and bad days.
But I've decided that I will choose my response to the situation. I will look for the good, focus on the blessings.
In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God
in Christ Jesus concerning you. I Thessalonians 5:18
I will be thankful.
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