Lessons in the Valley: Part 2

A couple days ago I posted about my valley. No one likes to experience hard times, but sometimes it's those difficult situations that can teach you the most. As parents, we can give advice to our kids, but that doesn't always mean that they truly understand. Sometimes they have to experience something for the lesson to solidify in their mind.

And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 

II Corinthians 12:9

Sometimes, God has to allow us, as His children, to learn lessons in the same way, but He's always faithful to help us through. There are many lessons that He is teaching me through this experience. These are some of the big ones.

Homeschooling has many benefits. I already have a list of reasons why homeschooling is perfect for our family, but I found another reason to be thankful. If I had to drive the kids to school and pick them up every day, it would have been very difficult. For one thing, the older kids have helped so much. Those first couple weeks when I couldn't do anything, they did it all. If they had been away at school, I would have been alone with an active toddler. Also, we would have to had made other driving arrangements during this time, which would make things complicated. 

Instead, we were able to continue school from the couch. No, it's not ideal and it's certainly not without it's complications, especially because we've transitioned from a summer schedule to full-day schooling. On top of that, we have a toddler--who is already acting out because he knows something is wrong when Mommy is sitting all day--and who does not understand why his playmates aren't giving him their full attention--and who is in the still-needs-nap-but-refuses-to-take-napes stage. It's not been the easiest few of weeks of schooling. Not at all. But as I sit here, I can't help but be thankful for this opportunity and the blessings of it, especially during a hard time.

It's ok to ask for help. I bet this is a hard one for a lot of people. We think we can handle everything on our own. And it hurts our pride when we can't. I've said many times that I could never have a maid, because I'd clean the house myself before she even got here, ha. I've also said many times that clutter is stressful to me. Oh, I am all for making big messes for learning and fun (for instance, like here and here); it's just that they need to be cleaned up afterward. Aside from the playing though are the typical chores that arise daily--laundry, dishes, vacuuming, sweeping, sanitizing, decluttering. A lot of mess can happen in household of 7, especially when 6 of those people are here all day every day. Even if the kids always picked up everything after themselves all the time (riiight), there would still be chores that needed to be done, meals that needed to be cooked, bathrooms that needed to be cleaned, and dishes that needed to be washed. While I am training my kiddos to learn these life skills, I am the one who does the majority of the daily tasks. Now I cannot do these things and it all falls to others.

I've tried a couple different approaches to getting the work done. The best that I've found is when I specifically ask for certain chores to get done. Leighton works a grueling 50 hours a week. His workload is already too full, and now he picks up the slack at home, runs all the errands, and cares for the kids and me. Let's be honest, clutter does not bother him like it does me. On top of that, he really doesn't even realize all the needs to be done because he's never had to do it. Rather than ignoring it, waiting to see if he'll notice that {insert any chore} needs to be done, and getting frustrated when he doesn't . . . I just ask him to do it. And you know what? He does! As far as the kids, they've been helping a lot more, too. I may not be able to do much from the couch, but I can delegate really well, haha. I give each child a specific task. When they finish it, they get another. "Tyler, put away the shoes by the door. Alyssa empty the dishwasher. Nicky put away those books." Giving them each a specific job works so much better than "clean the kitchen." I've used this approach with them for years, but we're on a much bigger level now. I'm also blessed to have my mom so willing to help out. She came over many days in the beginning when I could not get up at all and even took Nick to spend the night at her house a couple nights. There are still a few times when the kids can't really do something and Leighton truthfully has not had the time, and all I have to do is ask and she comes. We also had other family and friends offer to do things. I'm learning that even though it's hard, it's ok to ask for help.

I am not in control. Oh, in theory I knew this, but in reality, I like to be in control--or at least as much as you can control things when you have a house full of little ones, ha. I am a doer. I like to plan and work. I don't sit down to relax until the kids are in bed and Leighton and I spend our alone time together. In the last month, I've done little else beside sitting. With that potential 6-month healing time looming over my head, I knew I couldn't push myself and chance injuring the ligaments more. At 2 weeks, the pain subsided a little and I was able to begin physical therapy exercises. Within a couple days the mobility of the ankle was greatly increased. By 3 weeks, I was able to put slight pressure on the foot as I used the crutches. I even could shuffle a few steps from the counter to the fridge if I absolutely needed to. The progress was exciting!

Then I made a huge mistake. I got fed up with sitting all day except for a few 15-minute periods where I was able to get up before being totally wiped out. There were things around the house that needed to be done. I realized that if I walked on just my toes and stayed off the rest of the foot, I was ok. I washed dishes and cleaned up the kitchen. I put away laundry and even changed the sheets on my bed. I went down the stairs one at a time sitting and scooching, washed a load of clothes, and went back up using my knee instead of my foot. It felt so good to do something profitable! Until I realized that the pain had returned full force. Worse than that, because of the way I was walking, I overexerted other ligaments, causing my ankle and leg to swell and ache in places it hadn't before. I was back to constant pain that woke me in the night. Again. I lost the mobility of the ankle. Again. I had shooting pains, again, but this time in previously uninjured locations along with everything that had been aching for weeks. It didn't take long to realize that those few things I was able to accomplish were not worth it. That was nearly 2 weeks ago, and I still am not where I was before that day.    

I cannot control how quickly I heal. It doesn't matter how much I'd like to be able to do certain things, I can't just ignore that my body is not ready for that activity yet. This is probably the hardest lesson I'm learning.  

Now is the perfect time to train young hearts. Training and teaching my little ones is always a priority for me (in fact, it is my focus this year), but habits can sneak up and, before you know it, you have a problem. It's like the backwards version of the idiom. In this case, it's you can't see the trees for the forest. Instead of being focused on details, you focus on the whole.

Being incapacitated for many weeks gives you a lot of time to step back and really see things. This time of stillness is helping me to be more in tune to my family, to recognize those "trees" that have grown in our forest and need to be removed or pruned. Attitudes that need tweaking, habits that need correcting, character traits that need improving. Because I don't have anything else vying for my attention, it's easier to identify the areas that need work and focus on correcting them. So many of these things are heart issues. The kids and I have had a lot of heart-to-heart talks in the last few weeks, helping them to recognize where they need change and helping them follow through. They have been some very special times. The problem though is that it's not just the kids who need work. God has shown me things in my own heart that need to change. Create in me a clean heart, O God has been my prayer (Psalm 51:10). Not having my typical responsibilities to distract me has given us the perfect opportunity to work on our hearts.

It's been a painful 5 weeks, and the end is nowhere in sight.  But I am thankful for the lessons that I'm learning. I won't claim that everything is perfect now and my fears gone. There are good days and bad days.

But I've decided that I will choose my response to the situation. I will look for the good, focus on the blessings.

In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God 

in Christ Jesus concerning you. I Thessalonians 5:18 

I will be thankful.

Lessons in the Valley: Part 1

My injury happened one month ago this past Saturday, 5 weeks ago yesterday.

I used to think that a sprained ankle wasn't really that big of a deal. I had heard numerous times about people getting a sprain, maybe using crutches for a few days, and then being back to normal. 

I've learned a lot about sprains in the last few weeks.

The most common type (which I just referenced) is a simple rolling of the ankle that heals quickly. The inversion sprain happens when the ankle rolls outward, the foot turns inward, and the ligaments on the outside of the ankle are injured. An eversion sprain is the opposite, causing damage to the inside of the ankle, and is much less common. 

The least common is the high ankle sprain. This can happen when the leg twists forcefully while the foot is planted. The ligaments that connect the leg bones together are stretched and torn, resulting in a severe injury and lengthy healing process. This sprain can happen alone or along with an inversion or an eversion sprain. 

(You didn't know you were getting a medical lesson today, did you? Ha.)

So where do I fall (no pun intended) in this list? I managed to get all three types of sprains at once. The dreaded high ankle sprain along with both inversion and eversion sprains, as well as damaging additional ligaments through my shin--because if you're going to do something, do it right. To make matters worse, they were grade 2 sprains because there is a significant level of tearing.

I quickly learned that sprains can be a big deal. In fact, I was told multiple times that it would have been better to break my ankle than sprain it the way I did. My healing process can take anywhere from 2-6 months. 

To read the facts is one thing, but to experience the pain is something completely different. 

I have a high pain tolerance. But this was different. It wasn't so much the initial discomfort, but after 2 solid weeks of throbbing, shooting, radiating pain, I was getting weary. My foot, both side of the ankle, all through my lower leg--everything hurt immensely. And constantly with no reprieve. Then when I pinched a nerve and caused sciatic pain to pulse from my hip all the way through my toes in a continual tingling sensation, I was near tears. 

It was agony.

It was so excruciating that it woke me often each night, both from the pain itself and the nightmares that it caused. The most gut-wrenching, disturbing, fear-inducing dreams I have ever experienced. I'd wake up breathing heavy with my heart racing. Had I been taking pain killers, I would have attributed the horrors to them, but there were no drugs in my system. 

Why? I know, reading that it seems foolish to even me, but I'm stubborn. I don't take pain meds unless I absolutely have to. And I figured that if I didn't take it in the beginning when the pain was potentially the worst, I surely didn't need to take it now. Every day was a little better than the day before. If I got through that, I can get through this. Leighton tried multiple times to get me to take something to lessen the pain, if for nothing else than to allow me to get some sleep. But I was determined to complete the whole experience without a drop of drugs. Why? Just so I could say that I did. (Again, I know it doesn't make sense, but, stubborn, remember?)   

I couldn't put any weight on it for those first 2 weeks, not simply because of the pain, but also because the torn ligaments just could not hold the weight. If I tried to stand, the ankle would buckle and I'd have to catch myself. I spent my days using the RICE (Rest, Ice, Compression, Elevation) method of recovery. I dutifully set my timer for icing: 20 minutes on, 60 minutes off. I was determined to do everything right in order to heal as fast as I could. I have 5 young children; I need to be able to care for them.  

My purpose in explaining this is not to complain or get sympathy. Before today, I didn't tell anyone but those absolutely closest to me what was happening in such detail, mostly because they could see it anyway. I believe that your attitude affects your situation. You cannot control your circumstances, but you can control your response to them. That's why even when things are rough and we've had a difficult week, I make sure to still post about what made me Smile. Because, no matter what, there's always something good. 

So, what's my good in all of this. 

It's easy when you're in the mountaintop living. Things are going right, and you just coast along without much thought. But it's those valleys that can really teach you. It's in those hard times when you may be searching for God and just feel lost. 

That was me.  

It was so much more than the physical pain I was experiencing. It was helplessness in caring for my family and our home. It was disappointment in not being able to partake in annual seasonal favorites (like canning bushels of tomatoes and apples, geocaching with the family, and more). It was worrying about things I knew better than to worry about. It was feelings of guiltiness for getting injured and putting extra responsibilities on others. My thoughts became my enemy.

I was starting to become depressed. Not just discouraged, but depressed. I'll spare you the details, but it was very unlike the positive, "there's always something good" person I try to be. That's when I really sought after God, not just my typical daily prayers, but begging for His help. I knew my situation wasn't going to change overnight, but I needed help in changing my perspective. God began to work in my heart. He helped me to be grateful for the blessings, to recognize the good things.

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, 

to them who are the called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

Lessons in the Valley: Part 2 explains those good things--and also the huge mistake I made that reinjured the leg and set my recovery back. There are many lessons I'm learning through this experience.

Lessons from Geocaching

Here's another catch-up post that I started all the way back in April! It was a fun day, but, more importantly, one in which Daddy and Mommy learned a few lessons from the kids.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The weather warming up means one thing to our family: geocaching season begins! 

Sure, we could go out any time of the year because the caches are in place year-round, but we're not quite ready to trek through the snow and cold with our little ones just yet.

That Saturday was a beautiful day, so we decided to pack a lunch and head out to a park to find some caches. Since Tyler is a big fan of "gucks", I wanted to make sure we went somewhere we could feed them. Everyone was very excited about the plans we made.

And then the plans changed.

And changed again.

And again.

Leighton had to work a couple hours in the morning. And, as it usually happens, a couple hours turned into a few hours. I was left with antsy kids at home who were itching to head to the park.

When's Daddy coming home?

Soon. He should be leaving in a couple minutes . . . Oh, he just sent me a message. Nope, it'll be another hour or so.

I wanted everything ready to go, so when he got home, we could walk out the door.

Water--check.
Snacks--check.
Sandwiches--Ugh. we're out of lunch meat (even though I had gone grocery shopping the day before and should have bought some then.)

I sent Leighton a text and asked him to pick up some on his way home.  Oh, and bread, too, since I had forgotten to buy a loaf for the ducks. Oops.

He got home. I made the remaining sandwiches. We gathered everything and headed out. Finally.

We unloaded at the park and decided to have our lunch right away because it was already 2:00 pm. The picnic was nice and uneventful, except for the runaway sandwich bags. The wind had picked up quite a bit and was blowing things around, much to the delight of our little ones. They laughed as they chased the bags.

As soon as we packed everything up, Alyssa informed me that she had to go to the bathroom. We headed over to the building.

Locked.

It was still early in the season and the park wasn't "officially" open yet. Now what? Do we make her hold it? Do we leave? Do we find a secluded spot and have her go in the woods like we're camping?

Leighton and I asked her to try to hold it for a little while, at least long enough to find a cache or two and feed the ducks.

She agreed and we started walking down the path. The boys were trying to run ahead, Alyssa was whimpering and hobbling along, and the ducks were no where to be found.

On top of that, the GPS wouldn't pick up any coordinates, so we couldn't find any caches either.

Nothing was going as planned. We drove all the way to this specific park, only to cross off eating lunch from our list of things to do.  

I was cranky.

Having kids has taught me to be more flexible. Things don't always go as planned. This perfectionist has grown a lot these past 9 years, especially once we started homeschooling.

But this day? I was having a hard time keeping my attitude in check.

I did not want to load up all the kids again already, especially since we hadn't done anything. I was crabby that we were leaving. I was frustrated that the GPS wasn't working. I was annoyed that Alyssa kept reminding me how badly she had to use the restroom. I was upset that the bathrooms were locked. 

I was cranky.

I told Leighton that we needed to go somewhere with a bathroom. The problem is that there was no where near the park we could go, except the library. I said we needed to go there, but he was against it since we weren't actually going to the library for the books. It seemed wrong to him to go just for the bathroom. He just wanted to head home.

I snapped. No, we were not going home. We were not going to forget all this planning just to go sit at the house and do nothing. We were going to have fun! Whether we liked it or not.

The kids sat in the back of the van happily chit-chatting, while Daddy and Mommy were upset in the front. We weren't fighting, by any means, but we certainly weren't seeing eye-to-eye.

He decided to stop at the library, after all. Poor Alyssa wasn't going to make it much longer. I took her in while the boys waited in the van.

As soon as we got back, Zac decided he had to go. (Why didn't he realize this 5 minutes sooner?) Now it was my turn to wait while Leighton took him in. It was starting to feel as if we were never going to actually begin geocaching. 

It was at this point I realized how foolish I was being. All these circumstances were beyond my control. The kids weren't bothered by them; they were still enjoying the outing. Why was I so cranky?

I apologized to Leighton when they got back. It wasn't his fault, and he certainly didn't need or deserve my attitude. Thankfully, he's an understanding guy. It's one of the many reasons I adore him.

He found another spot with multiple caches that wasn't too far away. We headed there, this time with better attitudes.
 

And then, in typical fashion for the day, the area was closed off by a police car. There was an event taking place later that day and everything was blocked except for the main road. We got stuck following the path into the event area until we could turn around the head back.

Geocaching spot #2--denied. Again. But this time it was more of a frustratingly funny situation. Your attitude determines how you will respond, not the circumstances.

Leighton suggested trying 1 more spot before heading home and giving up. This is a strip with tons of caches covering miles of trails. This area has never let us down. We found a spot we'd never searched, park the van, and began our excursion.

Finally.

r

It ended up being a great day. We found multiple caches, the kids had fun playing and climbing in the woods, and we enjoyed spending the day together as a family.

It was humbling to me to see how my little ones reacted to the mishaps of the day. They remained positive and delightful. And me? I acted like a little child who didn't get her way. As parents and adults, we're supposed to be teaching the kids; we're supposed to set the good example. And yet, it was my children who were acting more mature than I. I'm generally a positive person, but I let undesirable incidents cloud my judgment and affect my actions.

Once I got my attitude back in the right place, it didn't matter when something went "wrong" or not according to my plan. I determined to keep my mindset positive.

And once I relearned that lesson from my kids, I had a lot more fun the rest of the day.

Tasty Tuesday: Mocha Cake

It's very important to me to teach my children life skills. To me, homeschooling is about so much more than just the 3 Rs. I start bringing my kiddos in the kitchen with me at a very young age. That's why Jake was able to make cupcakes by himself at 4-and-a-half and why he had the skills necessary to create his very own cake recipe at age 6. Sometimes, he'll ask if he can make something: a cake, cookies, whatever. I like knowing that I can give him a recipe and, with minimal overseeing, can leave him in the kitchen to create.

This time was a bit different. This time, as part of his schoolwork for the day, I told him to look through some of my cookbooks and pick a recipe. He had to make sure we had the necessary ingredients or note which ones we needed, gather the supplies, and make it. By himself.

After flipping through the pages of 3 books, he showed me the picture of a slice of mocha cake.

"This one," he said.

I looked through the ingredient list. "Are you sure?"

"Yep. This is the one I want to make."

Instead of finding something in the desserts section, he chose one of the guilt-free recipes. Guilt-free meaning prune baby food in place of some of the oil. Ok, it was his choice. The baby food intrigued him, but did not deter him. And the coffee? Surely, the boy who has always hated everything coffee would want to choose something else.

Nope.

"Yes, I'm sure. This one." 

Since baby food is not something we keep stocked in the pantry, he had to wait until the next day to make the cake.

He and Alyssa gathered the supplies and immediately got to work. They were measuring. Dumping. Pouring.

"What about the coffee?" I asked. "The cold coffee." I made the coffee and got it cooling in the fridge.

A minute later I heard, "Is the coffee ready?"

It made for a good lesson about the importance of reading the recipe fully before starting and making appropriate preparations. 

When the coffee was cold, he immediately poured it in the bowl. "Ugh, I was supposed to combine it with the milk." Again, we talked about reading and following the recipe, instead of just assuming you know what to do.

A minute later, another similar conversation took place.

This activity made me realize that he had gotten lazy in the kitchen. Since he had been baking by himself for a while, he had gotten overconfident in his abilities. It was a good lesson for us both.

And eventually, the cake did get baked.

And my favorite part? The kids washed the dishes and cleaned the kitchen!

Jake made sure to add his own spin to the cake: a sugar & cinnamon sprinkle and mini chocolate chips. That's my boy! Adapt the recipe; make it your own. Have fun creating yummy foods!

But until you understand more about baking, follow the directions.


Despite my apprehensions, the kids all loved the cake! Jake even said it might be his favorite cake ever. Food always tastes better when you make the effort to bake it yourself.



Mocha Cake
Cake Ingredients:
1 1/4 cup sugar
2 eggs
1/4 cup canola oil
1 container (2.5 oz) prune baby food
3 teaspoons white vinegar
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 cup milk
1 cup cold strong brewed coffee
3 cups flour
1/3 cup baking cocoa
2 teaspoons baking soda
1 teaspoon salt

Frosting Ingredients:
1 teaspoon instant coffee granules
1 teaspoon hot water
1/2 teaspoon vanilla
2 cups whipped topping

Cake Directions:
1. In a large bowl, combine sugar, eggs, oil, prune baby food, vinegar, and vanilla. Beat until well-blended.
2. In a small bowl, mix milk and cold coffee.
3. Combine flour, cocoa, baking soda, and salt in another bowl.
4. Gradually beat the flour mixture in the large bowl, alternating with the milk mixture. 
5. Bake in a greased 9x13 pan at 350* for 30-35 minutes. Cool completely.


Frosting Directions:
1. In a small bowl, dissolve coffee granules in hot water. Stir in vanilla.
2. Place whipped topping in a large bowl and gently fold in the coffee mixture.

Recipe adapted from Taste of Home: Most Requested Recipes 2010.

Peter Rabbit

Have I mentioned that our family loves to read together? Oh, only about 100 times? Well, it's true, and you often talk about things that you're passionate about. I want to instill in my children a love of reading and a love of learning, and there's no better way than to do it with them. Involve them. Because of that, we were pleased to receive 2 books--How Peter Rabbit Went to Sea and Peter Rabbit's Birthday--to review from Kinder Cottage Publishing. 

Kinder Cottage Publishing was created in 2012 by a couple, Howard and Ann, who desire that their children grow up with a love of literature, history, culture, and Christian faith. They offer products that help other parents educate and give their children that same love. Books like the Peter Rabbit series, the Wizard of Oz series, an original series about the 10 mist influential people in the history of England, and even books written by Howard's mother are some of the rich products they offer. 

As a member of the Schoolhouse Review Crew, I was able to choose 2 books from the Peter Rabbit collection:

1.    The Tale of Peter Rabbit 
2.    Peter Rabbit at the Farm  
3.    Peter Rabbit's Christmas 

4.    How Peter Rabbit Went to Sea 

5.    Peter Rabbit Goes A-Vising
6.    Peter Rabbit's Easter
7.    Peter Rabbit's Birthday
8.    When Peter Rabbit Went to School
9.    Peter Rabbit and the Little Boy
10.  Peter Rabbit and Jack the Jumper

While we do own the entire series for our Kindle, we've read only a couple of them, as of yet, with the kids. They are a bit familiar with the character of Peter Rabbit, but without beig familiar with all the stories, they don't have favorites. I chose books that I assumed they would choose: number 4 (Went to Sea) and 7 (Birthday). 

I think most people are familiar with Peter Rabbit, or at least have heard the name. He's a little bunny who lives with his mother and 3 sisters in a sand bank under the roots of a fir tree at the edge of a big wood near Mr. McGregor's garden. His sisters, Flopsy, Mopsy, and Cotton-tail, are good little bunnies, but Peter is mischievous and always getting into trouble. As we read these stories, there were multiple references made to our own little "Peter Rabbit", a.k.a. our 2-year-old Tyler. He, too, is mischievous and always getting into trouble! That connection made silly Peter even more endearing to my little ones.  

How Peter Rabbit Went to Sea starts off with Peter eating too much, forgetting his mother's request, and getting punished. All within the first few pages! He was a naughty little rabbit, indeed. Then, Peter does the one thing his mother told him not to do: play near the brook. His good sisters tried to stop him, but he had made up his mind. The adventures takes him on a wild ride where he meets interesting creatures--Grandaddy whale, Old Man Shark, Johnny Crab, Gruff Old Sword-Fish. It was his experience with Sammie Sea Gull that had him worried though. Peter tricks him and makes it home to his family again.    

Peter may have learned his lesson about being a pirate at sea, but that experience did not stop him from being a mischievous boy. Peter Rabbit's Birthday is a day of celebration, but he just can't seem to stay out of trouble. He finds himself covered in flour, soaking wet, and almost missing his own party. He meets many friends throughout the book and even makes a couple new ones. By the end of the day, he was "such a polite and beautifully behaved little rabbit." But don't worry, in the morning, I'm sure, he rose with mischief in his eyes once again. 

Though Peter is a naughty boy and constantly disobeying, he is a loveable rabbit. My kids laughed at his antics and groaned when he made another poor decision. The stories opened up discussions about how it's so important to obey your parents. Kids don't always understand the dangers in life or why parents make certain rules. It's our responsibility to protect these little lives we've been entrusted with. They're not going to understand it all now, but they do need to understand the importance of obedience. No, they're not going to get caught by Mr. McGregor and turned into a stew, nor are they going to get their fluffy, white tails bitten by a crab, but they will experience other struggles through life. Peter Rabbit is a good example of what not to do.

These hardcover books are 5x7 and are perfect for little hands. They are strong, well-made, and the prefect size. There are illustrations throughout the book: text on the left-hand side of the page, pictures on the right. Kids love being able to visually see the story, so I appreciated that aspect. These are the 1917 versions of Henry Altemus Company editions, except for a few revised out-dated words (like velocipede). Each book costs $4.00 or you can purchase the entire collection for $30.00. The books are ideal for ages 3-9.

If you want to pass on the love of Peter Rabbit, these books are for you.



You can read more reviews of all the Peter Rabbit books from the Schoolhouse Review Crew.

10 Things and Many More

I have been blessed with 2 people who are my absolute best friends. One is the man I fell in love with many years ago, the one I pledged my life to, the one I am building a family with. My husband and I are one. He is my best friend. I chose him. (Though I do believe he was chosen first by God for me.)

The other, I did not choose at all.

Or rather, I did not choose to be born into her family. I did not not choose to be raised in her home. I did not choose to be her daughter. But I was blessed to be.

My mother is my best friend.

I am sitting here, trying to put my thoughts into words. The ideas have been swirling around in my head for days, yet they are getting lost on the way to my fingers. I can't help but to sit here as my eyes fill with tears and my vision blurs.

My mom.

My wonderful, loving mom.

It would be so much easier to let you look into my heart and see for yourself just how amazing she is. But that's not really possible, is it.

So I'll just have to give you a little glimpse, though I know I won't do her justice.

Here are 10 things I've learned from my mom. Some I learned as a child; others as a mother myself.

1. To Be Supportive - My mom has always been my biggest supporter. When I was young, I was a Girl Scout. She helped me with any projects I needed to do to earn my badges. She volunteered when we needed parent helpers. She helped me sell, organize, and deliver 500-600 of boxes of cookies each year. She watched my volleyball games for 5 years. She attended the games when I was a cheerleader for 6 years. She helped me with school projects. She printed and helped me cut tiny strips of paper full of desciptions when I needed to make display boards and wanted them to look professional. She attended every piano recital, watched each concert and play from elementary through college, listened to me practice, practice, practice. Now, she comes to my kids' soccer games, watches their performances, cheers them on. There are times when she has other plans, but ignores them to show us her love. When I have faltered, she's helped me up. When I've questioned my decisions, she's strengthened my resolve. When I have gotten overwhelmed, she's encouraged me. She has supported me in every way possible.
 

2. To Be Committed - I played basketball in 8th grade. By the second week I'm sure, I wanted to quit. I can vividly remember a game in which I was dribbling down the court and a fan from the opposing team yelled to me to shoot the ball. And I did. I wasn't even to the 3-point line yet. And it wasn't pretty. He and his friends thought it was funny; I was thoroughly was embarrassed. I missed the majority of the shots I took that year. While I've always been fairly athletic, basketball is not my thing. I've admitted before that I do not like doing things I'm not good at. My perfectionist personality does not like failing. And though I get that trait from my mom, her desire to keep commitments is even stronger than her desire to do things perfectly. I wanted to quit. She wouldn't let me. "You made a commitment," she said. I had to finish the season. As a 14-year-old girl, I thought it was awful that she made me continue when she knew how much I hated playing! As an adult, I'm thankful she's always taught me that if I give my word and make a commitment, that I need to follow through. 

3. Rules Are Rules - I have heard my mom say many times that "rules are rules." It doesn't matter who you are, you are expected to follow the same guidelines as everyone else. There are no exceptions because you're someone special. It didn't matter that my mom worked in the school I attended; I had to follow the same rules as everyone else. She taught the computer classes for many years. They were some of the easiest classes for anyone to take. She said exactly what was going to be on the quizzes and then used those quizzes as written to make the tests. My classmates commented that I was getting 100% consistently because my mom was the teacher and she was showing me the tests. She sternly informed them that it didn't matter that I was her daughter; if I were caught cheating I would get a zero, just like anyone else. Rules are rules. Even when you don't want to obey, rules are rules. Even when you think it doesn't apply to you, rules are rules. Even when it's hard, rules are rules. Rules are rules.

4. How to Clean -  As a child, I can remember our house always being just about perfect. Everything was in order. Everything was clean. Everything was uncluttered. My mom kept the house "perfect." One of my chores as I grew older was to clean the bathroom. I hated it. The floor was tiny little tiles that collected hairspray in the grout and was a pain to clean. I'm pretty sure my mom had to tell me every week to do it because I did not take the initiative to do it on my own. Many times after I finished, she'd send me back in there to do it right. I thought it was awful to have to re-do the portions that didn't meet her standards. I learned though (probably after getting a house of my own) that she was teaching my how to keep a home. She didn't make me clean the bathroom because she just didn't feel like doing it herself or because she wanted to punish me because she knew how much I despised those tiles. She was teaching me valuable life skills that I would need the rest of my life. And I (and my family!) am grateful.

5. To Be Faithful - My parents started attending church on Sunday mornings when I was very young. As I grew older and my mom grew closer to God, she and I started going on Sunday nights and Wednesday nights, too. I've watched her go to church for 20 years, by herself. I know it's not easy. It's not easy to go back on Sunday night after a busy morning while your husband stays home. It's not easy to head to church on Wednesday night by yourself after not seeing him all day. Every now and then, Leighton works late and I have to take the kids by myself. It's hard. I do not like being without him. My mother has known no other way. Yet, she's always been faithful. She's taught me that you serve God when it's not easy. You serve Him when your flesh doesn't want to. You serve God even if you do it alone. You always remain faithful.

6. How to Cook -It's no secret that I love being in the kitchen. Many women do not know how to cook before getting married and their husbands lovingly endure the process while they learn. My mom made sure that was not the case for us. My parents cook together often now that my dad works only 3 days a week, but while I was growing up, my mom did all the cooking. I have fond memories of her stirring spaghetti sauce, sautéing mushrooms for beef stroganoff, and mixing together meatloaf. I loved helping her make chocolate chip cookies - always a double batch - and sneaking tastes while she wasn't looking. I have many of the recipes from my childhood in my collection now. I don't ever remember her ruining dinner or making something I didn't like (except for rabbit and we still talk about that, ha.) It's fun cooking and baking together (like this past Christmas when we made 12 different kinds of goodies.) Now, I enjoy teaching my little ones. I have no doubt that all of my children will be good cooks one day. Do you remember when they made a from-scratch cake by themselves, creating the recipe and everything? I'm so thankful my mom took the time to teach me to cook.   

7. To Follow God's Will -  My mom was a full-time homemaker when I was a child. She eventually volunteered her time to teach a woodworking class twice a week at our private school when I was in elementary. After teaching it for 4 years, she switched to teaching computer classes there instead. God flooded her with a wealth of computer knowledge in a short amount of time and opened a door for a position in a computer store. She worked as the purchasing agent for the store for exactly 27 months (divine approval) before she felt the call of God to work full-time at our church and school where I attended high school. It was evident that God sent her to the computer store so she could learn valuable skills that she would need for her position at the church and to help many people with their personal computers. I remember her talking about how God used each situation to fulfill His purpose in her life. She was sensitive and obedient to the leading of the Holy Spirit. My mom never worked at the church to make money. She did it for many years because it was God's will for her. 

8. To Show Discernment - My parents never argued in front of me. My mom never undermined my dad's authority. They did not talk about adult issues or situations in my presence. In fact, I learned many things over the last few years about the past. I've told my mom "I never knew that!" and she's replied, "Of course not; you were a kid." She made sure to show discernment of things they allowed me to see and hear. Because they never discussed their disagreements when I was listening, I knew that dad and mom were one and unified. There was no playing one against the other. If dad said no, mom said no, too. They worked together for my best interest. They protected me from issues that did not involve me and that I had no business being a part of. Not only did she show discernment in what she allowed me to see from them, she was careful of what I saw on the television as well. There were many shows and movies I could not watch. If I could not say the words or go to the places or mimic the actions, I could not watch them either. This post on the eternal describes this in more detail. To me, this lesson on discernment is one of the most important of all.

9. How to Give - My mom and dad are givers. They give of their time, their money, themselves. They have helped us countless times and want nothing in return. They've let us borrow money when we struggled financially. They watched our 3 kids for nearly 2 weeks when we were back and forth in the hospital with Tyler. They bless us continually. But what's more impressive is that they are like that with others as well. I could tell you story after story of times my parents gave to others, times when they openly blessed someone, and times when they paid a bill discreetly and the receiver of the blessing never knew who to thank. They don't live this way for recognition; this is who they are. Givers. 

10. To Love Unconditionally - I know there were times I let my mom down, times when I disappointed her. There were choices that I made that broke her heart. Yet, she loved me. Really, truly, wholly loved me. She cried when I cried, even when my tears came because I didn't heed her counsel. She blessed me, even when I didn't deserve it. She spoiled me, but wouldn't let me become a brat. She loves me, no matter what. Neither Leighton nor my brother's wife will tell you that she's a "typical mother-in-law." She's Mom. She loves them like her own. It's evident how much she loves her grandchildren too just by watching them. Every time my kids see her at church, or when we go to her house weekly, or when she comes to ours, they have the same reaction: "Gramma! Gramma! Gramma!" and they run into her arms. It makes me smile and brings tears to my eyes to think about how much love is in my life. I am truly, truly blessed.  

My mother has taught me much more than just these 10 examples. I could go on to explain more lessons that I have learned including Mom Knows Best, How to Be a Friend, and To Do My Best, along with countless more. The older I get, the more I learn. When I questioned her ways, she used to tell me "You'll understand when you have kids." That was one of the wisest things she's said. More and more, the applications behind the lessons are evident in my life. I am reminded again of Ezekiel 16:44, “Behold, every one that useth proverbs shall use this proverb against thee, saying, As is the mother, so is her daughter.” I am proud to be like my mother. I thank God for giving me to her. And I love her so very much.


Happy Mother's Day, Mom! Thank you for diligently teaching me when I was young, for continually teaching me now, and for being my very best friend. I love you.