Tough Decisions

Have you ever felt like you were drowning?

Like your responsibilities were multiplying and you were always in over your head. No matter how much you worked to stay afloat, things kept weighing you down and making you sink.

That's where I am.

It just seems like we have so many extra stuff going on lately. Reorganizing our schoolroom. Preparing baby clothes to sell at a mom-to-mom. Preparing maternity clothes to drop off at a consignment store. Gathering toys to be sold. Filling boxes with everything else to donate.

Reorganizing.

Simplifying.

We've accumulated so much stuff over the years. Stuff that we have no room for. Stuff that clutters the house. Stuff that sucks up time. Stuff that makes me stressed.

One of the fastest ways to stress me out is having a mess. Oh, I'm not talking about messes that serve a purpose or aftermaths from a project. Messes from creating oobleck and learning about states of matter, messes from making homemade Oreo cookies and enjoying their yumminess, messes from transforming an experiment into a whole new process and experiencing the joy of learning.

These messes I encourage. These messes make for a rich, learning environment. These messes help my kids to explore and grow and discover.

No, I'm talking about lazy messes. Toys scattered around the house. Clothes sitting in a pile. Dishes left on the table. Papers and crayons cluttering the floor.

Lately, I feel pushed to the max. Keeping up with my chores - the laundry, the cooking, the obsession to make everything from scratch, the cleaning, the dishes, the picking up, the putting away, the changing the diapers, the nursing, the clipping the coupons, the buying the groceries, the sweeping, the vacuuming. The everything in between. Keeping up with the schooling - the teaching, the explaining, the helping with work, the activities, the crafts, the experiments, the reading. Lots and lots of reading.  Keeping up with the kids completing their chores - the clothes, the craft supplies, the toys. Oh, the toys.

I know I am not the only one to ever have 4 little kids. And homeschool. And try to keep a clean home. And have home-cooked meals. And. And. And. That's how I feel. Like there's always another and.

I've been self-examining lately. Scrutinizing my life. Contemplating what I can change to get me out of this drowning scenario.

Blogging.

Blogging is the one area I feel I can neglect. I don't think my family would accept a hiatus from the laundry. Or a break from cooking. But blogging I can cut back and still care for my family. I made this decision last week and figured I should explain why I've been absent. I hate having to do this. I hate that I haven't been consistent. I feel like we're losing something, forgetting something in our lives if we can't look back on it years from now.

Just writing that seems kinda silly. But it's how I feel. I've gotten better about accepting the fact that I've been hit or miss with posts lately, but it still bothers me. Like I said last week though, my family must come first.

So, what does that mean for the blog? Well, my plan is to keep up with blogging through the alphabet on (hopefully) Mondays, post a quick pic from the week on Wednesdays, and share our Smiles on Fridays. Of course, I have a few reviews for TOS left before the year ends in November.

Doesn't really seem like cutting back much? For now I won't be worrying about posting crafts on Mondays, trying to type up recipes on Tuesdays, or rushing to share experiments on Thursdays. I'm not sure how long this will last. I do know that it's necessary though, at least until I can catch up on the extras.

Bear with me, please? I don't know how I'll ever get caught up, if I'll ever get caught up. I currently have 30-something drafts going right now, and lots more floating around in my head. Ultimately though, 20 years down the road, my kids won't care if I never shared that everyone-raves-about-this recipe. They will, however, remember if I took the time to care for them.

Correction: they will remember that I did take the time to care for them.