Wednesday, January 1, 2014

Kids Say the Funniest Things: Part 8

Things That Make Me Smile has become a favorite on this blog. Even when things have gotten extremely busy and chaotic around here, I do my best to keep them posted. They may not always be up on Fridays, but they do get up. I love having this memorial, both for us and the kids, to look back at over the years. It's important to me to find joy in the little things, to pay attention to my kids, and to fully enjoy this fleeting time. That's what my weekly Smiles is all about.

At the end of the year, I like to have a summary of some of my favorite quotes from the year. Last year, when I had planned to work on my summary, I found myself with a sick little boy in the hospital. I had intended to work on the posts later in the year . . . I just never imagined that later meant a whole year later. Oh well, better late than never.

Without further ado, here is part eight of Kids Say the Funniest Things! This is the first quarter of 2012.

Jake 6, Alyssa 3, Zac 2, Tyler born in March

Jake: "Alyssa, there's one rule you need to know about races - don't cheat."

All 3 kids had been in bed for 10 minutes when Jake got up.  He came out, squinting and rubbing his eyes and said, "I have a question for you . . . about how old I'm going to be in 20 years."

Alyssa: "If the baby's a boy, I'll give it some of my hair so it can be a girl."

Alyssa: "If I fall off the bed and break my head into pieces, I'll just Superglue it back together.

Jake: "I spy with my one little eye something skin-color."
Alyssa: "My skin?"
Jake: "No, but that's a good guess."

Jake, during dinner: "Can I get a pet snake?"
Me: "No."
Jake: "Well then, can I get some mice and a guillotine so I can put the mice in and chop off their heads?"
Me: "And what would you do with the headless mice?"
Jake: "Cook them for dinner! I've never tried mice before."

Alyssa, referring to the hardened sugar on top of her crème brûlée: "This is as frozen as a rotten egg!"

We were driving one night when it was sprinkling. The windshield wipers made a "tttthhhhpppttt" sound as they swished one time. Zac said, "Van haffa go potty! Van say "scuse me!"

Me: "Hi, sweetheart."
Zac: "I Zac. I not weetheart."
Me: "Oh, you're Zac?"
Zac: "Yeah. I Zac. You weetheart."

Zac gave me one of Alyssa's baby dolls to hold. A few minutes later, he pulled it from my lap. "No, baby. Dat my seat."

Zac handed me his socks and said, "I don't want my sockies on. I too busy."

Jake: "I weigh almost 60 pounds."
Me: "Hmm, I don't think so."
Jake: "It says 4-0."
Me: "That's 40."
Jake: "I know. I said almost 60."

Alyssa: "Jake, you pretend you're sick, and I'm the doctor."
Jake: "I don't want to. I want to pretend I got thrown into a wall"

Me: "Are you going to be a good big brother?"
Zac: "Yes."
Me: "Are you going to help Mommy with the baby?"
Zac: "Um . . . no. Lyssa will."

Me: "Jake, can you please stop talking for 5 minutes?"
Jake: "Sure . . . (4 seconds later) Is a meteor just a piece of rock? Is it hot? Can you touch it? What will happen to you? Hey, watch this! Whoa, that was close! That was so cool! . . . . "

Jake to Alyssa: "God can do anything. He can even turn you into a frog!"

Alyssa: "Is the new baby a boy or a girl?"
Me: "We don't know yet."
Alyssa: "We need Daddy to make an x-ray to see if the baby has long hair or short hair so we'll know if it's a girl or boy."

My mom was pointing out the chickadee in the yard. Zac told her, "No, dat not chicken. Dat birdie."

Zac, pointing to his lips, commanded me: "You! Kiss Me!"

Though Zac has been potty trained for months, he still sleeps in diapers at night. When he woke up, I smelled a less-than-desirable odor. I asked, "Are you stinky?" He replied, "No, I not stinky. Dat my butt stinky."

Alyssa: "Artichokes - do they actually choke you for real?"

Alyssa coughed and cleared her throat. Then she told me, "Sometimes when I lose my voice, I have to work really hard to find it."

Zac was eating an apple and kept bringing me pieces of the peel. He told me, "I don't wike wrapper."

Zac was picking out a sucker to eat. He grabbed two, so I told him to put one back. He hid one behind his back, showed me the other hand, and said, "I have one!"

Alyssa came running into the house very excited. "Mom! You have to see something AMAZING! There are dandelions growing everywhere in the yard!!! It's so beautiful!!!"

Jake: "Who's the baddest villain on all the Star Wars?
Me: "Hmm, maybe Darth Vader."
Jake: "I think you're right because he even has his own song to let you know he's coming."

Tyler started squirming around and making little squeaking noises. Alyssa said, "I think the baby's getting an attitude."

Zac asked me to get him something.
Me: "I can't right now. I'm feeding the baby."
Zac: "You need put him 'way!"

I was in the basement and called to Leighton, "Hey, Honey?" He and Zac both responded, "What?" I called back, "Big Honey." Jake came running to the stairs, "What?"

Jake was eating an apple and said, "Ugh, my right side hurts. I think it's filling up just this side instead of both sides." So, he leaned to the left while he finished eating. "There. That's better."

Jake: "I'm not afraid of a shadow. Unless there's something really scary behind it."

Zac: "I don't wike dat"
Me: "Why not? It's fun."
Zac: "I don't wike fun."

Part nine of Kids Say the Funniest Things will be posted soon! Until then, check out parts 1-7 for more funny quotes.

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