Kids Say the Funniest Things: Part 15

Happy New Year! At the beginning of each new year, I love taking the time to reflect on the past. Life is busy raising and schooling 5 little ones. The days are over so fast, and the years are flying by. I try to keep a list of some precious quotes and experiences through my Things That Make Me Smile lists every week. If I don't intentionally record these things, I am prone to forget them. At each new year, I like to review these weekly lists to find some of our very favorite memories. The kids love when I read through these recaps with them. We all sit and laugh together, reminiscing about these special times. It is very precious to me.

As I began to work on the next installment of Kids Say the Funniest Things, I realized that I had never finalized the last one for 2014. The majority of the post was done, but was just needing some formatting and whatnot. Remember what I said about life being busy? Ha. Before I move on to the next year, here are the final months of 2014.  

These were the kids ages at the time recorded: Jake 8, Alyssa 5½, Zac 4, Tyler 1½.

SEPTEMBER

Zac, while watching a cricket and accidentally stepping on it: "I guess my shoes are faster than it!" 

Zac: "That's the stinkiest horse I ever met."

Zac: "Mom, I love you! I just spotted lightning!"
Me: "I love you, too. Lightning reminds you that you love me?"
Zac: "Yep."

Alyssa: "What's a throw pillow?"
Jake: "It's a pillow someone throws so if someone else is falling or something they have some place safe to land."

Jake: "We come from a very important family. Our ancestors were Vikings."
Alyssa: "One of our ancestors was a grandma."

Zac: "Remember when Ty gave me a bloody nose?'
Alyssa: "I remember it like it was yesterday."
Me: "It was yesterday."

Zac: "Mmm, dinner smells good."
Me: "Thank you, but I've barely started cooking yet."
Zac: "It smells cold."

Zac, playing the Wii: "Jake, you're the best boxer in the whole wide world!"
Alyssa: "Other than God."
Zac: "Mmhmm."

Zac: "We have everything except some things."

Jake, about Tyler: "Look at him! He looks like a perfect little boy who never gets into trouble. And then you turn your back . . . and wham! He throws a baseball at a lamp!"

Me: "What?"

Jake: "It's just a figure of speech."

Alyssa: "I like all of them, but my favorites are all of them!"

Jake: "Why do kids shove their toys under the bed?"

Me: "So they don't have to put them away."

Jake: "Nope. To keep the monsters away since there's no room!"

Jake: "As soon as I tasted the cookies (recipe here) I thought, An angel must have brought those down from Heaven."

OCTOBER

Jake: "Mom, I actually sharpened this pencil with my teeth!"

Zac: "May I have a piece of cake now, please? I done all my book."
Me: "You done it? How about you did it?"
Zac: "Yeah, I did done all my book."  

Jake, tasting the cake batter he made: "Mmm, coffee."
Me: "Who are you?"
Jake: "Jacob."
Me: "And since when do you like coffee."
Jake: "Mom, I'm almost 9. I'm going to need to start drinking coffee soon."

Jake: "Is it hazelnut or nasalnut."
Me: "Hazelnut. Do you know what nasal means?"
Jake: "No."
Me: "It's referring to the nose."
Jake: "So, Zac called it a nosenut?"

Me: "I'm going to do it by myself. It's ok if I spend a few minutes by myself every now and then."
Zac: "But you can't be by yourself! We don't want you to get too scared and lonely."

Alyssa: "Your wish is my command."
Me: "Except, it wasn't a wish; it was a command."
Alyssa: "So, your command is my command."
Me: "Exactly."

Zac: "Mom, I think I have fighting muscles! And they're invisible."

Jake: "Mom, can we get a lock for that drawer, please? Tyler's always getting in there. Or, can we just get a lock for him?"

Zac, holding his head after eating ice cream: "I have a giant breeze frain."

Tyler, pulling at his pants trying to fix a wedgie: "My butt stuck!"

Me: "Why are you chewing on your pencil?"
Jake: "Because I'm like a beaver!"

My Mom, about the praying mantis: "That's right, they're carnivores, not herbivores." 
Zac: "Actually, they're insects."

Jake, after we let the praying mantis go: "Aww, I wanted to keep it . . . or at least run it over with my bike."

NOVEMBER
Me: "Why are those clothes shoved in the corner of your room?"

Alyssa: "I put them there for safe keeping."

Zac: "I'm as wise as a bird."

Alyssa: "Mom! Jake's not playing fair! I'm cheating for Zac and Jake is helping him, too!"

Alyssa: "Pink in my favorite color, but purple is my emergency favorite color." 

Alyssa, listening to the southerners singing with a twang at our church: "Mommy, are they like cowboys or something?"   

Me, reading from a book: "What birds live by your house?"
Jake: "Woodpeckers."
Alyssa: "Robins."
Jake: "Blue jays."
Me: "Sparrows, grackles, mourning doves."
Zac: "Regular birds."

Me: "Did you hear me?"
Zac: "Yes, ma'am."
Me: "What did I say?"
Zac: "Uhhh . . . apparently I didn't."

Tyler: "Ty-Ty want someping eat."
Me: "What do you want?"
Tyler: "Um, candy!"
Me: "No." 
Tyler: "On crackers?"

Tyler: "Mommy, I want snack."
Me: "What kind of snack?"
Tyler: "Yellow!"

Alyssa: "I'm burning cold."

DECEMBER
Jake, concerned, while playing Lego Batman 2 on the Wii: "Mom, they're doing a lot of dangerous stuff."

Zac: "What do turkeys say?"
Me: "Gobble, gobble."
Zac, incredulously: "Gobble, gobble? I don't think that's true."

Alyssa: "My teeth itch."
Me: "How do your teeth itch?"
Alyssa, matter-of-factly: "It happens a lot."

Zac: "Knock, knock."
Tyler: "Who's there?"
Zac: "Robot."
Tyler: "I love robots!"
Zac: "No, Ty, you say, 'Robot who?'"
Tyler: "Robot who?"
Zac: "Robot I love you!"
Tyler: "Oh, thank you!"

Alyssa: "I have a mute button."
Jake: "You have a mute button?!? Do you know how many times I could have used that?"

Alyssa: "I'll eat anything! . . . as long as it's yummy."

Zac, holding a popsicle: "That's so cold, my hand would burn to freeze."

Jake: "Tyler is the cutest ever! His cuteness matches his troubleness."

Me, after reading Isaiah 7:14, while discussing names of Jesus: "Do you know what Emmanuel means?" 
Jake: "A guide, you know, like 'a manual.'"

Alyssa, about newborn Nicholas: "He's sleeping and eating! Babies are so talented."

Jake, about Nicholas: "Look how tiny his ears are! They look like mini cookies, you know like the little Oreos in the snack cups."

Jake, about Nicholas: "He's so soft and fuzzy, like a peach."

Me: "What are you doing? You're supposed to be in bed." 
Tyler: "Yeah, I supposed to be kiss this baby."

Jake, about Nicholas: "He's squeaking! Like a trumpet." 

My mom was holding Nicholas and patting his butt, trying to get him to stop fussing. Zac moved her hand, starting patting his butt, and said, "I think I have the right move" as Nicholas stopped crying. 

Zac, about his Christmas ornaments: "Mine are very fragile . . . 'Cause they're hot-glued."

Me: "Nicholas is going to be a week old tomorrow." 
Jake: "Already? It seems like just a few days ago he was a few days old."

Zac, watching me nurse the baby: "So he's eating? Chocolate milk or white milk?"

Jake and Alyssa read portions of the Christmas story before we opened presents on Christmas day. After Alyssa read her verses, Jake leaned over and whispered, "Good job reading. Don't worry, you'll get better at the harder words."

The kids were playing with Nicholas when I came to take him to change his diaper. As I picked him up, Tyler said, "Hey, you no steal that baby!"

Jake: "I had to pick a different Nancy Drew book to read to Nicholas. The other one had ghosts in it, and I didn't want to scare him."


That's all for 2014! I hope to have the next installment of Kids Say the Funniest Things soon. I hope you've Smiled a little as we've reminisced. 

Kids Say the Funnies Things: Part 14

Here we are again with the next part of Kids Say the Funniest Things! These memories are from the middle months of 2014. These were the kids ages at the time recorded: Jake 8, Alyssa 6, Zac 4, Tyler 2.

MAY

Jake, excitedly: "Hey, I have an idea! We can go wild cow hunting!"

Zac: "Mom, e-s-t-u: yogurt."

Me: "That's a funny way of spelling yogurt." 

Zac: "I spelled it in karate."

Alyssa: "I neeed candy!!!"

Jake: "Actually, people don't need candy to live."

Alyssa, sincerely: "They don't?"

Jake: "Who invented gum?"

Me: "Hmm, I don't know."

Jake: "I bet Papa knows. He knows almost everything."

Alyssa: "I wish I had eyes in my mouth. Then I could see what I was biting."

Alyssa, reading: ". . . The turtle and the lizards and the snake and the dragonflies and the field mouse all sat on the river bank and waited . . . Why does the river have its own bank? Do people throw money in there?"

Zac: "Knock, knock."

Me: "Who's there?"

Zac: "Green bean."

Me: "Green bean who?"

Zac: "Green bean I'm gonna kiss you!"

Zac: "I'm your second marry-er. Daddy's your first marry-er."

Zac: "I'm king of the elbows!"

Tyler got into Alyssa's nail stuff and gave himself a princess pedicure.

  

Jake, to Zac: "You can't change the rules just so Mom wins."
Me: "You can't be disgusting just because you're a boy."
Jake: "Mom, boys are made of disgust."

Alyssa tattling: "Jake bit me!"

Jake: "She was biting me!"
Alyssa: "No, I wasn't! I was getting ready to!"

JUNE

Alyssa: "Jake doesn't like me. He treats me like I'm a waffle."  

Zac: "I love my coat with the Ziploc pockets." (zippered pockets)

While doing school, we were talking about words with irregular plurals. After I gave a few examples, I asked the kids for some. Jake immediately said, "Paczki!"

Tyler watching the cotton from our cottonwood tree blowing all around and excitedly shouting, "Bubbles!"

Me: "I think Blue Baby (stuffed animal) needs a bath."

Zac: "Why? She's not dirty."
Me: "Oh, yes, she is."
Zac, inspecting the bear all over: "What, this? That's just old California."

Zac, after Leighton walked me to the car with an umbrella in the rain: "That was nice."

Me: "Yes, it was. Are you going to do that for your wife one day?"
Zac: "Yeah! I hope you're the wife."

Alyssa, during a thunder storm, "I'm scared out of my guts already!" 

The kids were outside playing and taking random pictures (my camera was full of hilarious kid-selfies). They explained how they staged these, and then I watched a few in process. Jake would tell the others how to stand and they'd pose for him. They had so much fun!

Zac: "Mom, I think you should dye your hair light purple and black."
Me: "And why's that?"
Zac: "'Cause then people would think you look fabulous!"
Alyssa, laughing: "Don't worry, mom's hair is dying itself."
Jake: "Yeah, white."

Alyssa: "Sometimes I wish my tongue could disappear so I didn't have to taste the things I don't like." 

Zac, dreamily: "I'm gonna fall in love with you, Mom . . . Actually, I already am 'cause I kiss you all the time."

Jake: "Do they have the Little Rascals in color?"

My Mom: "No, they didn't have color back then."
Alyssa: "Did they live in black and white?" 

JULY

Alyssa, eating a piece of bread with sesame seeds on it: "If you plant bread, will it grow?" 

Alyssa: "When Daddy was leaving, I put my hand to my heart and did this {waves hand toward the window} because it was like I was giving my heart to him."

 
Zac, with a handful of Lego mini-figs: " It's a good thing I have my trusty sidekicks with me."

Zac, seeing the reflection of the computer in my glasses: "How did you get your eyes computered?"

Jake, eating a nectarine: "We should call these nectar-dreams, because they're so good, it's like  dream."  

Jake: "Mom, do you think cooked goblin guts would taste good?"  

Alyssa, after seeing a picture of how peanuts grow: "That's weird man, that's weird."

I found Tyler in the kitchen eating suckers and working on opening 5 more.

Zac: "Who's Jake playing checkers with now?"

Me: "The computer."

Zac: "How's the computer playing? It doesn't even have any hands."

Zac, showing me his red arm: "This was an accident."

Me: "What happened?"
Zac: "Ty bit me."
Me: "How was that an accident?"
Zac: "When I started crying, he stopped." 

Alyssa: "Mom, have you ever robbed a bank? I'm guessing no."

Zac, fake burping in the morning: "That was all from dinner tomorrow."  

Jake: "Pterodactyls are extinct, so how did your guy get one?"

Zac: "Because he washed it."

Jake: "Haha, not ex-stinked! Extinct means they're all dead." 

AUGUST

Zac: "When I'm a dad, will I work at Daddy's work?"
Me: "Well, that will be up to you."
Zac, concerned: "I want to, but I don't know how to get there!"

Alyssa, about sunglasses: "Try these on and see if they're too small or too big."

Zac, putting them on: "They're too medium."  

Jake, because Tyler was setting up our chess board: "Why is he playing chess? He doesn't even know that the white team goes first."

Leighton: "No, that's European." 

Alyssa: "My what?!?"

Zac: "The future's not even real. It's just a part of a movie. Some people think it's real, but it's not."  

Zac: "Mom! Tyler's playing with the toilet paper!" 

Alyssa, playing a board game: "I hope Zac wins one time."
Zac: "Me too, otherwise I'm totally going to be singing the blues."

Jake: "I'm almost as tall as you. I just need another head."

Zac: "I can make my tongue into a roll-up sleeping bag." 

Zac: "How do mouses play a big, giant piano?"

Me: "With big, giant hands."

Zac: "No."

Me: "Very carefully?"

Zac: "No. They put on a jet pack and fly up! Get it? Isn't that hilarious?"

After Leighton had been gone all day on Saturday (a day he's normally home) Alyssa proclaimed that she was "daddy-sick," like homesick, but missing her daddy.  

Alyssa: "My arm is tired from stirring."
Zac: "Mine's not tired. You can use my arm."

 

I hope these made you Smile. The last part of 2014 will be posted soon and it's full of more Smile-worthy quotes! Until then, check out some of the earlier installments of Funniest Things.

Kids Say the Funniest Things: Part 1
Kids Say the Funniest Things: Part 2
Kids Say the Funniest Things: Part 3
Kids Say the Funniest Things: Part 4 (quotes from my first grade students)
Kids Say the Funniest Things: Part 5
Kids Say the Funniest Things: Part 6
Kids Say the Funniest Things: Part 7
Kids Say the Funniest Things: Part 8   
Kids Say the Funniest Things: Part 9  
Kids Say the funniest Things: Part 10   
Kids Say the Funniest Things: Part 11   
Kids Say the Funniest Things: Part 12 
Kids Say The Funniest Things: Part 13

 

 

Kids Say the Funniest Things: Part 13

Happy New Year! I love taking the time at the beginning of a new year to reflect on the past. We recall the precious memories, relive the fun times, and acknowledged the strength we gained through the hard ones. One of my favorite ways to reminisce is by reading the lists of Things That Make Me Smile. This weekly collection is filled with funny, cute, or memorable quotes and experiences of our kids. It's from these lists that I gather a few of my favorites from the year to create Kids Say the Funniest Things. 

Even though I had planned to get caught up, I'm a year behind still (you can read why here). That means that these memories are from 2 years ago, yet some seem like they happened just recently. Oh, how I love these little ones of mine. Here is installment 13 from the beginning of 2014. I hope you enjoy Smiling with me.

These were the kids ages at the time recorded: Jake 8, Alyssa 5½, Zac 4, Tyler 1½.

JANUARY

Zac, when I turned the light on in the morning: "The too bright was trying to burn my eyes." 

Alyssa: "One day, I had a most unusual dream. It was about Alton Brown's cooking show."

Jake, while turning on Disney's Robin Hood: "Remember, it starts not very exciting. Then it gets so exciting that your head pops off."

Jake: "Tyler's so crazy it's like there's a chipmunk running around in his head."

Jake: "Mom, have you unlocked your true potential yet?"  

Jake: "Haven't you heard that old saying, 'If you touch fire, you'll regret it. If you don't regret it, you're toast.'"
Me "And who said that?"
Jake: "Me. I just made it up."

Jake: "You're as old as pineapple, Alyssa."

Alyssa: "I'm never trying milk mixed with water. It probably tastes like compost."
  

Zac, looking at our Roman numeral clock: "Look, it's V o'clock."

This mud post. 

Alyssa, because Tyler scribbled on her paper: "Try to show a little more respect."

Alyssa: "I'm very, very, very hot. But I'm also very cold." 

Jake: "I watched an Angry Birds Toons once that was a Halloween one. There was a bird that was dressed up with an axe sticking out of his head."
Me: "Eww, that's morbid."
Jake: "Morbid? Who's he?"

Alyssa: "Mom, I think we have more marbles than you now, because you've been losing yours!"

Jake: "Zachary! Just because you can throw things, doesn't mean you have the freedom to throw them at my Legos."

FEBRUARY

Zac, sad: "Each of my gloves has only 5 fingers." 

Alyssa: "Jesus can do anything. He could even turn into a fly. But if someone had a fly swatter? . . . He would not want to be a fly."
 

Alyssa, yelling: "Mom! Can you tell Zac to be quiet?"
Zac, yelling: "I can't hear you! I'm too loud!"

Alyssa: "In Jesus Love the Little Children, when it says 'red and yellow, black and white' who's the 'yellow'?"

Me: "Like Chinese and Japanese people."

Alyssa: "Well, I know who the red are . . . People with sunburns."

Jake, astounded: "Do you know what I heard at church? There used to be this thing called sending letters to people.

Jake: "Zac, stop chewing with your mouth."

Me, giving a clue while playing a guessing game: "It's something I really like."

Alyssa: "Daddy!"

Jake: "Tyler is known for his trouble. Not that many people know him though, so it's ok."  

MARCH

Zac, after getting out of the bathtub: "My hands are crinkly."

Leighton: "Say I."
Tyler: "I."
Leighton: "Love."
Tyler: "Mommy!"

Zac: "Jake's birthday is first, but I didn't hear it coming." 

Zac: "Mom, were we parents when you were little?"

Zac: "How do you spell peanut butter?"

Me: "P-e-a-n-u-t b-u-t-t-e-r."

Zac, pointing to the jar: "They spelled it wrong. J-I-F."

Alyssa, confidently: "I know what 10 plus 100 is: ten hundred."  

Zac, to Alyssa: "I wish God didn't give you feet to kick me in the head."

Zac: "I think hiccups are scared of water."

Zac: {Achoo} Mom, I almost got you!

Me, teasing: "Oh, no, don't sneeze on me."

Zac: "Yeah, 'cause you're pretty. Why would I sneeze on you when you're pretty?"

Zac, while I was making dinner: "Thank you for making the so best smell in here!" 


APRIL

Zac, holding the phone to my ear: "Now you have love in your ear!"

Me: "I do? Why?"

Zac: "'Cause I kissed the phone!"

Jake: "I want to play professional Uno."

Jake, proudly: "Mom, I can fit a whole golf ball in my mouth! Wanna see?"

Zac: "May I have a napkin, please?"
Jake: "You have pants for a reason."

Zac: "The sky is black when it's night. That means the sun is turned off at night, right?"

Zac: "I can say one thing in Spanish: ooplo.

Me, humored: "Ooplo? And what does that mean?"

Zac: "I don't know; it's Spanish!"

Jake, showing me the "shorts" he was wearing: "Uh, Mom, I think you put Tyler's pants in my drawer. Haha, these aren't my shorts."

Me, laughing: "No, but they fit pretty good."

Zac: "I want to be a grave digger when I grow up. Then I can get all the worms I want!"  

Alyssa, tattling: "Jake said he hated me!"

Jake, smiling: "Words may be deceiving."

While listing make-believe characters . . .
Jake: "Griffin."
Zac: "Dragon!"
Alyssa: "Unicorn."
Zac: "Two-headed dragon!"
Alyssa: "Pegasus."
Zac: "Three-headed dragon!"
Jake: "Centaur."
Zac: "Four-headed dragon!" 

Jake, holding a wiggling worm: "Aw, he's so cute!"
and then . . .
"Should I tear him in half so he can be friends with himself?"

Thanks for Smiling with me! Part 14 from the middle of 2014 is coming soon. If you are needing some more laughs before then, check out some of the earlier installments of Kids Say the Funniest Things.

Kids Say the Funniest Things: Part 1
Kids Say the Funniest Things: Part 2
Kids Say the Funniest Things: Part 3
Kids Say the Funniest Things: Part 4 (quotes from my first grade students)
Kids Say the Funniest Things: Part 5
Kids Say the Funniest Things: Part 6
Kids Say the Funniest Things: Part 7
Kids Say the Funniest Things: Part 8  
Kids Say the Funniest Things: Part 9
Kids Say the funniest Things: Part 10 
Kids Say the Funniest Things: Part 11 
Kids Say the Funniest Things: Part 12

Kids Say the Funniest Things: Part 12

Here are some of my favorite memories from the middle months of 2013! If you missed the beginning of the year, you can read those quotes in part 11. I love reading through these and smiling all over again!

These were the kids ages at the time recorded: Jake 7, Alyssa 5, Zac 3, Tyler 1.

MAY

Jake: "Tyler is so cute after he wakes up from a really long nap. He's like spring after a long winter."

Zac, walking around the house yelling: "Mommy! Mommy, where are you?"
Me: "I'm right here. What's wrong?"
Zac: "Nothing. I just wanted to give you a kiss."

Zac: "My arm still hurts. Can you take it off until it feels better?"  

Alyssa, looking through my kitchen utensils: "What's this?"

Me: "A meat thermometer."

Alyssa: "So you know if it's sick or not?"

Alyssa: "Tyler has a double chin."

Jake: "So does Millard Fillmore."

Zac, sad: "Mommy, I love you, but Jake said you're always jovial. And you're not. You're mommy."

 Zac: "I don't have an attitude now. See? My face is smiling."  

Jake, while playing a game: "Ugh, I put mom in there, but it didn't do anything."

Me: "What do you need?"

Jake: "Something sweet."

Jake: "I'm going to make mine the biggest!" 

Alyssa: "I'm going to make mine the mediumest!"

Jake: "How do most people make pancakes and waffles and stuff if they don't make them from scratch?"

Me: "They use a mix where you just add water?"
Jake: "That's cheating."

Jake, looking at a map of the US: "What happened to the old York?"

Jake: "I think I put my feet on backwards today."

Jake, getting ready to read: "Page 81, here I come!"

Me: "Hey, that rhymed."
Jake: "It's not eighty-ome, and it's not here I cone (cun). So, it doesn't rhyme."
Me: "Well, that's true; it's not a true rhyme. I forget what it's called when words don't rhyme exactly."
Jake: "It's called a fraud."


JUNE
Me, while teaching about types of nouns (common, proper, abstract, etc.): "Yes, alligator is a concrete noun because we can touch it."
Jake: "Mooom! Of course you can't touch an alligator. It would bite your fingers off!"

Zac, pointing to a full moon: "It's a quesadilla!"

Zac, sniffing: "Mommy, do you know what I smell?"

Me: "No, what do you smell?"

Zac, sniffing: "I don't smell anything."

Zac, pretending: "Would you like some kool-aid?"
Me: "Oh, sure."
Zac: "How about yes, please?"

 Jake: "What did Noah use to build the ark?"
Alyssa: "Wood!"
Jake: "What kind of wood"
Alyssa: "Tree wood!"

Zac, about my dad's bruised fingernail: "Hey, why did you paint that one blue?"

Jake: "Hey, Mom, stopit is a compound word!"
Me: "It's stop it; two words"
Jake: "Yeah, but two words together is a compound word. So stopit is a compound word."

Jake: "I'm going to be so sweaty, I'll be like piece of watermelon."

Jake: "Mom, you look better than the Devil."
Me, laughing: "Uh, thanks?"
Jake: "Even though most people think of him as an ugly red guy, we know that he was the most beautiful angel."

Me: ". . . and Alyssa was in my tummy."
Zac: "What?!? You ate her?


JULY
Zac: "Look at my face. It's stuck to my face."

Me: "What's stuck to your face?"

Zac: "My whole face is stuck to my face."

Me: "Well, isn't that a good thing?"

Zac: "Yeah. But how do I get it off?"

Me: "Why would you want to take your face off?"

Zac: "So I can be a monster!"

Alyssa: "Do you know why I chose a purple balloon? All the other ones tasted yucky."

Zac, because I found the train he had been looking for: "Aww, Mommy, I'm so proud of you!"

Jake, because his bandaid kept falling off: "Can't I just put duct tape on it?"

Me, pulling a green pepper out of the fridge: "Oh, no, it's wrinkly."

Alyssa: "You can iron it on the ironing board."

Alyssa, about the grilled cheese sandwiches, because Jake doesn't like cheese on most things: "Did you put cheese on Jake's?"

Zac: "Were you a kid when you were little?"

Zac, standing behind the pantry door: "Mommy, you go try to find me in the living room."

Jake: "If my arm gets cut off, can I get a robot arm?"

Jake, about something that had happened a couple hours earlier: "I remember it like it was yesterday."

AUGUST

Jake, tattling on Alyssa: "She's cheating more than I am!"

Alyssa: "I'm colder than a rotten egg."

Me: "Sleepy, Grumpy, Dopey, Happy, Doc, Bashful . . . hmm. . . and who's the last one?"
Jake: "Gimli."

Alyssa, while learning to tie shoes: "I've already learned how to untie them by myself."

Jake, while discussing his life's purpose: "I know why God made you and Dad. Because you're a perfect match."

Alyssa: "Tyler had his eyes open while we were praying!"
   

Zac, while grocery shopping: "I smell something."

Me: "What do you smell?"

Zac: "The wind. I smell the wind."

Zac, licking the sugar off the brown sugar bear: "What's this for?"

Me: "You get it wet and it keeps the brown sugar soft."

Zac: "I'm getting it wet for you!"

Jake, watching me apply makeup: "Are you wearing base?"

Me: ". . . Foundation?"

Jake: "Yeah, well, they mean the same thing."

Zac: "The moon is glow-in-the-dark."

Alyssa: "Sometimes when I eat too much, my tummy has a disappointment because it didn't want so much."
  

Jake, looking in the mirror: "I'm having a staring contest with myself."



The final installment of 2013 is yet to come, but in the meantime, if you'd like to read some more funny kid quotes, be sure to check out prior years of Kids Say the Funniest Things.

Kids Say the Funniest Things: Part One 
Kids Say the Funniest Things: Part Two
Kids Say the Funniest Things: Part Three 
Kids Say the Funniest Things: Part Four (quotes from my first grade students)
Kids Say the Funniest Things: Part Five
Kids Say the Funniest Things: Part Six
Kids Say the Funniest Things: Part Seven
Kids Say the Funniest Things: Part Eight  

Kids Say the Funniest Things: Part Nine

Kids Say the funniest Things: Part Ten

Kids Say the Funniest Things: Part Eleven

  

Kids Say the Funniest Things: Part 11

Happy New Year! Things That Make Me Smile is my favorite part of having a blog. We've done many different kinds of posts over the years, but as we've gotten busier, the posts have been fewer. Except our weekly Smiles. Those I make sure to record week after week. If you're not familiar with our Smiles, let me explain. Every week, I post funny, cute, or memorable quotes and experiences of our kids. Children grow so fast, and so much happens in a day, that it's easy to forget and even overlook things. Our Smiles has helped me to pay closer attention my little ones, to be more in the moments, to savor the memories. I love looking back through the posts and reminiscing about all the good times. At the end of every year, I write a list of some of my favorites. Thus, Kids Say the Funniest Things was born.

I'm actually a year behind (you can read why here). I meant to get caught up, but, you know, life happens. Here are some of my favorite memories from the beginning of 2013. I hope you enjoy Smiling with me.

These were the kids ages at the time recorded: Jake 7, Alyssa 4½, Zac 3, Tyler 10-12 months.

JANUARY

My mom was cutting out pictures so Alyssa could make a  book. Alyssa told her, "Grandma, if that's too hard, I'll do it instead. I know that's a lot of work."

While out to eat, Zac ordered fish for lunch. He was confused when it was brought to the table though.

Zac: "What's that?"

Uncle Gary: "That's your fish."

Zac: "No it's not!"

Uncle Gary: "Yes, it is."

Zac: "Why isn't it swimming?"

Alyssa: "I only know 3 things about Jesus: that He died on the cross for our sins, He rose again, and He loves people."  

Zac: "May I have a piece of candy?"

Me: "Yes."

Zac, giving me a big hug: "You are a sweetheart."

Zac, smelling my perfume: "Mmm, that smells soft."

Tyler's first bath in over a month, after getting his PICC line removed.

Listening to Jake argue with Alyssa that strawberry milk is better for you than chocolate milk because it has strawberries in it.

Jake: "I love you."
Me: "I love you, too."
Zac: No, you don't lub her! I lub her!"

Zac, about a cardinal in the backyard: "He has a black face."
My Mom: "Yes, it's like he has on a mask."
Zac: "Yeah, he's a super hero!" 

Jake: "And then we can eat the rat."
Me: "Yuck! We don't eat rats."
Jake: "Yum! They're meat."

Alyssa, to Tyler who was barely fussing: "Ok, you already screamed my eardrums outs."

Zac: "I can't breathe, my nose is too big."

Zac: "Can I have a chicken leg?"

Leighton: "That's going to be kinda hard."

Zac: "But can I have a chicken leg?"
Leighton: "We don't have any chicken legs."

Zac, pointing to the turkey on the table: "Can I have one of those pretend legs?"

FEBRUARY

Zac, while putting together a train set: "Mommy, this track won't listen to me!"

Jake, giving Tyler a kiss: "Mmm, you taste delicious."  

Alyssa, dreamily: "Every time I see Tyler, it's like a dream come true."  

Zac, after jumping off the couch: "I was flying like a butterfly!"

Jake: "What do you call a hippo with the hiccups? . . . A hiccupotamus!"

Jake: "Mom, can you make my sandwich?"
Me: "Why can't you make it yourself?"
Jake: "Because you put love in it, and it tastes so much better than when I make it. I don't know how to put love in it."

Me: "What would you like to drink?"
Zac: "Can I have some alligator?"
Me: "Some what?"
Zac: "Alligator."
Me, confused: "What? . . . Oh, Gatorade?"  

Zac: "This banana taste like zebra."
Me, chuckling: "Like zebra? Wow."
Zac: "Yeah."
Two minutes later . . .
Me, noticing the banana was speckled: "Oh, it tastes like zebra because of the spots? You mean like a leopard."
Zac: "Yeah!"

Zac: "My finger hurts."
I gently held his hand and sweetly kissed his tiny boo-boo.
Zac, looked at his hand, looked back at me, shocked: "It still hurts."   

Jake: "Mooom! Alyssa's being mean!"
Me: "Alyssa, what's the problem?"
Alyssa, scowling: "I'm mad because Jake called me fish-face more times than I called him!" 

Jake: "What?!? Some people eat snails? Who would do that??? . . . I know, 1) people who don't have any money . . . "
Alyssa: "2) the devil."

Jake, while doing (homeschool) schoolwork: "Ugh, I should've stayed home today . . ."

MARCH

Jake: "I think I want to be a police officer when I grow up just to get the doughnuts . . . And maybe I'll get to kick down a door."

Zac, while hugging Tyler: "Can I keep him forever?"

Zac to Alyssa because her bedroom light was left on: "The batteries are gonna die in your room."

Zac: "Do you smell that sound?"

Leighton: "Where's Tyler?"
Zac: "In my room."
Leighton: "What's he doing?"
Zac: "Eating the pages off my books."

Zac, incredulous: "Are you serious-ing me?"

Alyssa: "If you dream in color, then it's real."

Zac, before dinner: "Can I have some cereal, please?"
Me: "No."
Zac, fake crying: "But can I have some cereal, pleeeaase?"
Me: "No."
Zac, sweetly: "How about may I? May I have some cereal, please?"

Me: "You're such a blonde."

Alyssa: "No, I'm not. I can see fine."

Me: "No, honey. That's blind."

Me, surprised: "Alyssa, your room is a disaster!"
Alyssa: "I know. And thank you!"

Me: "Ugh, why didn't this print properly?"

Jake: "You need to show it who's boss. And who is the boss?"

Zac: "Daddy!"

Zac: "That tastes like yellow." 

Jake, while washing dishes, holding the cookie scoop: "Hey, I know how this works. This part moves like this. And then this part . . ." {goes on to explain the whole process}
Alyssa: "Just wash it already." 

Me: "Why don't you go get a kleenex?"
Zac: "I'm pretending my hand is a kleenex."

APRIL

Alyssa: "Mom, Zac jumped on me!"

Zac: "No, it wasn't me. It was Alyssa!"

Me: "Alyssa jumped on herself?"

Zac: "Yes!"

Me: "I am not happy that you put a hole in Alyssa's tent."

Zac, whining: "But I love you."

Me: "I love you too, but I'm not very happy with you right now."

Zac, whining: "Oh, I'm so sad that you're not happy."

Zac: "That sounds bumpy."

Me: "Did anyone notice if our strawberries are starting to come up yet?"

Jake, running to grab his coat: "Strawberries? Let's go check! . . . Wait a minute. Are you just trying to get us to go outside?"

Alyssa: "What smells so crunchy?"

Me: "Zac, will you close that cupboard, please?"
Zac: "Yes, boss."

Tyler got himself  stuck between the end table and the couch. And played that way until he eventually slipped down.

Zac, holding a die upside down from Boggle: "What letter is this?"
Me: "E."
Zac: "Nope, you're wrong. It's a 3."  

Zac, sad because Jake pushed him down: "Mom, he broke my heart."

Jake: "We've had that since I was a baby. It's an antique!"

Me, about a Lego creation: "Wow, how did you make that so fast?"

Alyssa: "Oh, it's because Zac barely bothered me." 

Jake: "What's better than strawberries and caramel?"
Me: "Strawberries and chocolate?"
Jake: "Nope."
Me: "Apples and caramel?"
Jake: "Nope."
Me: "Nothing?"
Jake: "No. A kiss from your mom!"

Me: "Finish your breakfast."
Zac: "I don't like eggs."
Me: "Yes, you do!"
Zac: "No, I don't. They're yellow and that's not my favorite color."  

Thanks for remembering the Smiles with me!  The middles months of 2013 will be posted soon. Until then, if you'd like to read some more funny kid quotes, be sure to check out prior years of Kids Say the Funniest Things.

Kids Say the Funniest Things: Part One
Kids Say the Funniest Things: Part Two
Kids Say the Funniest Things: Part Three 
Kids Say the Funniest Things: Part Four (quotes from my first grade students)
Kids Say the Funniest Things: Part Five
Kids Say the Funniest Things: Part Six
Kids Say the Funniest Things: Part Seven
Kids Say the Funniest Things: Part Eight  

Kids Say the Funniest Things: Part Nine

Kids Say the funniest Things: Part Ten

Kids Say the Funniest Things: Part 10

Here is the final list of Kids Say the Funniest Things from 2012! Thank you for walking down Memory Lane with me.

Jake 6, Alyssa 4, Zac 2, Tyler newborn

SEPTEMBER
Alyssa: "I know everything about getting married."
Me: "You do? Can you tell me about it?"
Alyssa: "You have to wear a white dress. And you have to have flowers. And you need someone to marry. And you need music . . . Oh, and you need a wedding hat! I forgot about that." 

Zac: "When I close my eyes, I see people. They're in my eyeballs. They're walking around in my eyeballs."

Leighton: "They're in your dreams."
Zac: "Yeah, but they're walking around in my eyeballs." 

Alyssa, while praying: ". . . the end." 

Jake: "You mean amen."
Alyssa: "Right. Amen." 

Jake, after listening to a description in a book: "Ok, I pictured it. In black and white, too. I can also do it in movie and cartoon." 

Zac: "May I have more cheese?"

Me: "More cheese?"
Zac: "Yes. I have the power to eat a lot. And to be the fasterest." 

Alyssa: "Usually if I'm watching a movie and the disc freezes, I just smack my head and it works."

Zac: "Where are my big Legos?"

Me, pointing to the middle of the room: "Right there."
Zac: "That's a good hiding place!"

Jake, about Tyler: "He's an expert at making slobber bubbles."

Zac: "There's a bug on the cushion!"

My Mom: "That's ok, just brush it off."
Zac, takes off running and returns a couple minutes later: "I can't find a brush anywhere."
 

Alyssa: "I'm sillier than I thought I would be."

Jake, commanding: "Stop chewing with food in your mouth, Alyssa."

Me: "Zac, don't pick your nose."

Zac: "But I'm trying to get that thing that's up there."

    

OCTOBER

Jake: "My nose tells me what's for dinner."

Zac, coming in my room in the middle of the night: "Why aren't you on your bicle (bicycle)?"

Me: "Because I'm sleeping."
Zac: "Oh. And they're aren't aliens in your room either!"

Zac: "Tyler bless you-ed in my face."

Alyssa, wearing big fuzzy earmuffs in the house: "I'm wearing these just in case Tyler cries a lot." 

Zac: "Can you take your scarecrow and put him downstairs so we don't see him?"

Me: "But he's my friend."

Zac: "He can be your friend downstairs." 

Me: "Are you sure you're done? I can't take you potty every 5 seconds."
Zac, innocently: "How about 4 seconds?"

Zac, stepping on a scale: "Six! Yes! I did it!"

Me: "Good job! {looking at the scale} Twenty-nine."
Zac: "Why twenty-nine?"
Me: "Because that's how much you weigh?"
Zac, pressing on the scale: "Mommy, how do I get it to the top? {talks to scale} You, bully! Go to the top!"
 

Jake, looking at Lego sets: "This set comes with Hansel."
Me: "It's Han Solo."
Jake: "Why is he solo? He has Chewbacca."

Alyssa: "I'm a better sister than Jacob." 

Jake: "This tag says that I have waterproof boots."
Alyssa: "Jacob, you are one lucky boy!"
Jake: "Do you know what waterproof means?"
Alyssa: "No."

Alyssa: "I know a karate move. If someone tries to hit you, you just try getting away."

Zac, about Tyler: "Is he pretty?"
Alyssa: "He's gorgeous. That's a fancier word for pretty."
Zac: "Yeah, he's gorgeous."


NOVEMBER

Me: "When was the last time you had it?"
Alyssa: "Well, I didn't have it the day after yesterday."

Alyssa: "Do mommy cats lay eggs?"
Me: "No."
Alyssa: "Oh, they just lay babies?"

Zac: "I don't like water. It's fake."

Zac was sitting on my lap while I was looking at things on the computer. As I closed one tab to go to another, he said, "Hey! I was 'bout to read dat!"

Alyssa: "I am the queen of dumping toys out."
Zac: "No, I am the queen."

Alyssa was helping me give Tyler a bath in his tub in the sink when he started peeing. It shot up in the air and across the room like a fountain. Alyssa's eyes got big and she said, "Whoa! That was awesome!"

Jake: "How do you say taco in Spanish?"

Zac, wearing Leighton's shoes: "Look, I'm Mr. Daddy."

Alyssa picked up a piece of foam pretend wood and said, "This is so arbitrary." 
  

Jake, to Tyler: "You're my favorite boy. For now at least."

Jake: "I know why Jesus likes people being right-handed, because you're supposed to do the right things."

Me: "I need to sweep again. I already swept once, but baby Tyler made a mess everywhere."
Alyssa, looking around, finally pointing: "He didn't make a mess there."

Me: "Do you know how much I love you?"

Zac: "Big."

Me: "That's right, big. How much do you love me?"

Zac: "Bigger!"

Alyssa: "Baby talk for saying yes is gla."

Me: "Go get dressed so we can go to the library."
Alyssa: "I better not wear squeaky shoes 'cause you have to be quiet in the library."
  

Alyssa: "This is California. We all live in California." {puts her hand to the side of her mouth and whispers} "I'm just pretending. This is just a game. I know, we actually live in Earth, but I'm pretending it's California."

Jake: "Did Grandma like that when she was a kid?"

Alyssa: "Grandma was never a kid." 

DECEMBER

Me, reading a book title: "The Ultimate Natural Detox Guide." 

Jake: "Mmm, that sounds good."

While playing hide-n-seek:

Jake, standing at the top of the stairs: "Hey, are you down there?"
Zac, standing behind the door at the top the stairs: "Yes!" 
 

I was making breakfast and dropped some food on the floor. Alyssa said, "That's ok. Tyler will get it." 

Alyssa: "I know how to spell Erika: M - O - M."
  

Jake: "When can you buy toothpaste for me that tastes like meat?"

Me: "Who ate something minty?"
Alyssa: "Not me."
Zac: "Not me"
Me, sniffing: "I smell something minty. Who ate something?"
Kids: "Not me."
Me, sniffing Zac's mouth: "You smell minty. What did you eat?"
Zac: "It's chastick."
Me: "Ohhh, you put on chapstick."
Zac: "Yeah. And it didn't taste good when I ate it."

 

Alyssa: "Do you remember my husband's name?"
Jake: "No."
Alyssa: "Hmm, I don't quite remember either."  

  

Alyssa: "I did it on accident or on purpose. I don't remember which one."

Jake: "I got a lot of reasons, but I'll only tell you one because I don't know the rest."

Zac, while watching our neighbor's snow blower: "It's a snow sprinkler!"

Alyssa: "I'm never going to do that. Not in my whooole life. Not until I turn 6."

And that's the end of review for 2012! I'll share some of my favorite from 2013 soon, but if you're looking for more funny now, check out parts 1-9 of Kids Say the Funniest Things.

Kids Say the Funniest Things: Part One 
Kids Say the Funniest Things: Part Two
Kids Say the Funniest Things: Part Three 
Kids Say the Funniest Things: Part Four (quotes from my first grade students)
Kids Say the Funniest Things: Part Five
Kids Say the Funniest Things: Part Six
Kids Say the Funniest Things: Part Seven
Kids Say the Funniest Things: Part Eight  

Kids Say the Funniest Things: Part Nine