Kids Say the Funniest Things: Part 9

I am thoroughly enjoying reading through these Smiles again. Some of them I can remember very vividly, where they took place, what exactly we were doing. Others though, I don't remember at all. How grateful I am for these lists! 

Here is part nine, the summary of our favorite quotes from the middle months of 2012.

Jake 6, Alyssa 4, Zac 2, Tyler newborn

MAY

Zac asked to kiss baby Tyler. He was standing on the side of me that was holding Tyler's feet. As I leaned down so Zac could reach him, he said, "Not the bottom!" 

Jake: "Why are you still eating if you're full? I know. You stomach is full, but your mind is still hungry."

Alyssa was practicing writing her letters. After a few minutes she said, "I never get tired of making Ss!" A few minutes later she said,  "I never get tired of Ss, but I sure do get tired of lower case As!"

We were preparing to leave church when Alyssa started to panic. "Where's my purse? Where's my purse??? Where's my purse?!?" My mom calmly answered, "It's on your shoulder."

Jake: "I wonder how far away the moon is. I think it's higher than 100 feet."

Jake loves making up his own jokes.

Jake: "Why was the house on the stove?"

Me: "I don't know. Why?"

Jake: "Because 'Home, Home on the Range.' You know, since range is another word for stove."

Jake, talking about Tyler: "He doesn't do much, but he sure is cute."

Jake: "God can't flood the earth again. He can flood a state or something, but not the whole earth. He promised."

Alyssa: "Did He cross His heart?"

Zac asked for cake for breakfast as soon as he woke up. When I told him no, he said, "Mommy, be nice. You be nice to me."

I heard a frantic "Mommy! Help me!!!" I ran into the bathroom and froze. I debated if I had time to run back out and grab my camera, but the look on Zac's face made me help him instead. He was hanging upside down in the air. His shorts caught on the drawer knob as he was climbing down off the counter. It was one of the funniest things I have ever seen.

JUNE

Jake: "What could you buy with 3 houses full of money?"

Leighton: "You could buy just about anything with it."

Jake: "I bet you could buy just about anything, but you couldn't buy your way into Heaven."

Alyssa, laughing: "Tyler spit up and he's smiling. He's so proud of himself!"

Jake, talking about the lines on his wrist: "This is where God sewed my hand to my arm before I was born."  

Alyssa, while brushing her hair: "Look, I'm giving my hair a re-do."

Me: "I don't think so."

Alyssa: "Uh huh. Jacob told me."

Me: "And Jacob knows everything?"

Alyssa: "Yes. Well . . . Jacob thinks he knows everything."

  

Zac: "Rarrrrrr! Rarrrrrr! RAAARRRRR!!! I'm a turtle."  

Zac, pointing to his middle: "This is my buttley bellon."
  

Jake, talking about Tyler: "He's so, so cute. I just want to rip his head off so I can keep it with me and look at it all the time."

Alyssa: "What is this?"

Me: "Heavy whipping cream."
Alyssa, lifting it above her head: "It doesn't feel heavy to me."

Jake: "What kind of job should I have?"

Me: "Whatever job God wants you to have."
Jake: "I hope He doesn't want me to go to outer space. All you do is stick a flag in the ground and come home. That's no fun."

Alyssa: "Is 29 a real number?"

JULY
Jake: "I think I know why God gave cobras those big, sharp teeth. To look cool. And to impress Adam and Eve."

Alyssa, in the middle of the night, crying because of a bad dream. "I did something really, really, really bad. I touched a triangle. And ate it."  

Jake wanted to help me mop the floor, so I showed him how to use the twist mop.

Me: "Ok, now you show me how to do it."

Jake, innocently: "But I thought you already knew how."

Alyssa handed me something while we were standing in the bathroom. As I set it down on the counter, it fell onto the floor. I said, "Oops, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to drop that." She said, "That's ok. You didn't drop it. The counter did."  

I left the room for 30 seconds and came back to find the baby's head all sparkly. I asked, "Zac, what did you put on Tyler's head?" "Butter," he answered. Butter? I picked up Alyssa's cream lip gloss that was lying on the floor nearby. "This?" I asked. He excitedly responded, "Yes, butter!"

The kids were pretending to be Master Shifu from Kung Fu Panda by hanging a spaghetti noodle under their noses. We were all laughing until Zac started making funny noises and wrinkling his nose. He had just taken a drink, so I thought he got juice up his nose. As it turned out, it was his noodle! Leighton held open Zac's nostril and tried to grab the noodle. We watched as it popped out of his nose a bit, got sucked back in, popped out, sucked in, over and over again as Zac laughed. I tried tweezers, but they just broke off bits of the noodle. He kept making a gargling sound because the noodle was so far in his nose and tickling his throat. Finally, he sneezed a few times, sending the noodle out his nose a few inches and shooting noodle-snot right into my hair. Leighton instantly pulled the goopy noodle out. We were all laughing so hard. After all, it's not every day you get a 5-inch noodle up your nose!    

Jake: "Homesick is when you're home for a long time and you really want to leave, but you just can't."

Alyssa: "Grandma, when are you gonna have kids?"

My Mom: "I'm all done having kids."
Alyssa: "What happened?!?"

Alyssa: "Mommy, can we make a tree house on the ground?"

Jake: "Then it wouldn't be a tree house."

Alyssa: "Mommy, can we make a ground house on the ground?"

Jake: "If Superman were real, he wouldn't stand a chance against Jesus."  

Jake and Alyssa each had a piece of gum, so naturally, Zac wanted a piece too.
Me: "Chew, chew chew. Don't swallow it. Chew, chew chew."
Zac, seconds later: "I did it!"
Me: "Where is your gum?"
Zac, with mouth wide open: "All gone!"
He was quite proud of himself for chewing so well before swallowing.

Zac: "I want my hair to be wike Daddy's when I'm huger."

We were at someone's house when Alyssa had to use the bathroom. Concerned, she said, "They have their toilet paper on backwards." She then proceeded to take it off to turn it around. I stopped her and explained that it wasn't our house. As she was drying her hands after washing them, she said, "I wonder when they're going to fix that."

Jake and Alyssa were playing superheroes. They had blanket capes and paper logos taped to their shirts.
Zac: "I'm superhero too!
Jake: "No, you're not."
Me: "That's not nice. He can be a superhero, too."
Jake: "Mom, he's our sidekick. He's just a rookie."
  

AUGUST

Zac: "I asked God to turn me into a turtle."

Zac: "I was chasing me by myself."

Jake: "The place is deserted? Like there are desserts there?"

Jake: "Why is it called Pennsylvania? Do they make a lot of pencils there?"

Zac, while eating outside: "There's too many bugs! We need to put them in jail!"

Jake, after giving Tyler a kiss: "His lips are soggy."

Zac, fluttering his eyelashes: "My eyes can hop."

My mom and Zac have a thing where she pinches his butt and calls them her "little buns." Zac always laughs. If she asks, Whose little buns are these?" he'll answer, "Brama's!" If she forgets to pinch them, he'll tease her. "Brama, I got your little buns!" She was pinching him and asked the question, "Whose little buns are these?" But instead of his usual response, he said, "Zachy's!" After she feigned disappointment, dejected he said, "Ok, you can have one."  

Want to read more funny quotes? Check out parts 1-8!

Kids Say the Funniest Things: Part One 
Kids Say the Funniest Things: Part Two
Kids Say the Funniest Things: Part Three 
Kids Say the Funniest Things: Part Four (quotes from my first grade students) 
Kids Say the Funniest Things: Part Five
Kids Say the Funniest Things: Part Six 
Kids Say the Funniest Things: Part Seven
Kids Say the Funniest Things: Part Eight