Monday, January 11, 2016

Kids Say the Funnies Things: Part 14

Here we are again with the next part of Kids Say the Funniest Things! These memories are from the middle months of 2014. These were the kids ages at the time recorded: Jake 8, Alyssa 6, Zac 4, Tyler 2.

Jake, excitedly: "Hey, I have an idea! We can go wild cow hunting!"

Zac: "Mom, e-s-t-u: yogurt."
Me: "That's a funny way of spelling yogurt." 
Zac: "I spelled it in karate."

Alyssa: "I neeed candy!!!"
Jake: "Actually, people don't need candy to live."
Alyssa, sincerely: "They don't?"

Jake: "Who invented gum?"
Me: "Hmm, I don't know."
Jake: "I bet Papa knows. He knows almost everything."

Alyssa: "I wish I had eyes in my mouth. Then I could see what I was biting."

Alyssa, reading: ". . . The turtle and the lizards and the snake and the dragonflies and the field mouse all sat on the river bank and waited . . . Why does the river have its own bank? Do people throw money in there?"

Zac: "Knock, knock."
Me: "Who's there?"
Zac: "Green bean."
Me: "Green bean who?"
Zac: "Green bean I'm gonna kiss you!"

Zac: "I'm your second marry-er. Daddy's your first marry-er."

Zac: "I'm king of the elbows!"

Tyler got into Alyssa's nail stuff and gave himself a princess pedicure.
Jake, to Zac: "You can't change the rules just so Mom wins."
Me: "You can't be disgusting just because you're a boy."
Jake: "Mom, boys are made of disgust."

Alyssa tattling: "Jake bit me!"
Jake: "She was biting me!"
Alyssa: "No, I wasn't! I was getting ready to!"

Alyssa: "Jake doesn't like me. He treats me like I'm a waffle."  

Zac: "I love my coat with the Ziploc pockets." (zippered pockets)

While doing school, we were talking about words with irregular plurals. After I gave a few examples, I asked the kids for some. Jake immediately said, "Paczki!"

Tyler watching the cotton from our cottonwood tree blowing all around and excitedly shouting, "Bubbles!"

Me: "I think Blue Baby (stuffed animal) needs a bath."
Zac: "Why? She's not dirty."
Me: "Oh, yes, she is."
Zac, inspecting the bear all over: "What, this? That's just old California."

Zac, after Leighton walked me to the car with an umbrella in the rain: "That was nice."
Me: "Yes, it was. Are you going to do that for your wife one day?"
Zac: "Yeah! I hope you're the wife."

Alyssa, during a thunder storm, "I'm scared out of my guts already!" 

The kids were outside playing and taking random pictures (my camera was full of hilarious kid-selfies). They explained how they staged these, and then I watched a few in process. Jake would tell the others how to stand and they'd pose for him. They had so much fun!

Zac: "Mom, I think you should dye your hair light purple and black."
Me: "And why's that?"
Zac: "'Cause then people would think you look fabulous!"
Alyssa, laughing: "Don't worry, mom's hair is dying itself."
Jake: "Yeah, white."

Alyssa: "Sometimes I wish my tongue could disappear so I didn't have to taste the things I don't like." 

Zac, dreamily: "I'm gonna fall in love with you, Mom . . . Actually, I already am 'cause I kiss you all the time."

Jake: "Do they have the Little Rascals in color?"
My Mom: "No, they didn't have color back then."
Alyssa: "Did they live in black and white?" 

Alyssa, eating a piece of bread with sesame seeds on it: "If you plant bread, will it grow?" 

Alyssa: "When Daddy was leaving, I put my hand to my heart and did this {waves hand toward the window} because it was like I was giving my heart to him."
Zac, with a handful of Lego mini-figs: " It's a good thing I have my trusty sidekicks with me."

Zac, seeing the reflection of the computer in my glasses: "How did you get your eyes computered?"

Jake, eating a nectarine: "We should call these nectar-dreams, because they're so good, it's like  dream."  

Jake: "Mom, do you think cooked goblin guts would taste good?"  

Alyssa, after seeing a picture of how peanuts grow: "That's weird man, that's weird."

I found Tyler in the kitchen eating suckers and working on opening 5 more.

Zac: "Who's Jake playing checkers with now?"
Me: "The computer."
Zac: "How's the computer playing? It doesn't even have any hands."

Zac, showing me his red arm: "This was an accident."
Me: "What happened?"
Zac: "Ty bit me."
Me: "How was that an accident?"
Zac: "When I started crying, he stopped."

Alyssa: "Mom, have you ever robbed a bank? I'm guessing no."

Zac, fake burping in the morning: "That was all from dinner tomorrow."  

Jake: "Pterodactyls are extinct, so how did your guy get one?"
Zac: "Because he washed it."
Jake: "Haha, not ex-stinked! Extinct means they're all dead." 

Zac: "When I'm a dad, will I work at Daddy's work?"
Me: "Well, that will be up to you."
Zac, concerned: "I want to, but I don't know how to get there!"

Alyssa, about sunglasses: "Try these on and see if they're too small or too big."
Zac, putting them on: "They're too medium."  

Jake, because Tyler was setting up our chess board: "Why is he playing chess? He doesn't even know that the white team goes first."

Leighton: "No, that's European." 
Alyssa: "My what?!?"

Zac: "The future's not even real. It's just a part of a movie. Some people think it's real, but it's not."  

Zac: "Mom! Tyler's playing with the toilet paper!" 

Alyssa, playing a board game: "I hope Zac wins one time."
Zac: "Me too, otherwise I'm totally going to be singing the blues."

Jake: "I'm almost as tall as you. I just need another head."

Zac: "I can make my tongue into a roll-up sleeping bag." 

Zac: "How do mouses play a big, giant piano?"
Me: "With big, giant hands."
Zac: "No."
Me: "Very carefully?"
Zac: "No. They put on a jet pack and fly up! Get it? Isn't that hilarious?"

After Leighton had been gone all day on Saturday (a day he's normally home) Alyssa proclaimed that she was "daddy-sick," like homesick, but missing her daddy.  

Alyssa: "My arm is tired from stirring."
Zac: "Mine's not tired. You can use my arm."

I hope these made you Smile. The last part of 2014 will be posted soon and it's full of more Smile-worthy quotes! Until then, check out some of the earlier installments of Funniest Things.

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