Monday, January 5, 2015

Kids Say the Funniest Things: Part 12

Here are some of my favorite memories from the middle months of 2013! If you missed the beginning of the year, you can read those quotes in part 11. I love reading through these and smiling all over again!

These were the kids ages at the time recorded: Jake 7, Alyssa 5, Zac 3, Tyler 1.

Jake: "Tyler is so cute after he wakes up from a really long nap. He's like spring after a long winter."

Zac, walking around the house yelling: "Mommy! Mommy, where are you?"
Me: "I'm right here. What's wrong?"
Zac: "Nothing. I just wanted to give you a kiss."

Zac: "My arm still hurts. Can you take it off until it feels better?"  

Alyssa, looking through my kitchen utensils: "What's this?"
Me: "A meat thermometer."
Alyssa: "So you know if it's sick or not?"

Alyssa: "Tyler has a double chin."
Jake: "So does Millard Fillmore."

Zac, sad: "Mommy, I love you, but Jake said you're always jovial. And you're not. You're mommy."

 Zac: "I don't have an attitude now. See? My face is smiling."  

Jake, while playing a game: "Ugh, I put mom in there, but it didn't do anything."
Me: "What do you need?"
Jake: "Something sweet."

Jake: "I'm going to make mine the biggest!" 
Alyssa: "I'm going to make mine the mediumest!"

Jake: "How do most people make pancakes and waffles and stuff if they don't make them from scratch?"
Me: "They use a mix where you just add water?"
Jake: "That's cheating."

Jake, looking at a map of the US: "What happened to the old York?"

Jake: "I think I put my feet on backwards today."

Jake, getting ready to read: "Page 81, here I come!"
Me: "Hey, that rhymed."
Jake: "It's not eighty-ome, and it's not here I cone (cun). So, it doesn't rhyme."
Me: "Well, that's true; it's not a true rhyme. I forget what it's called when words don't rhyme exactly."
Jake: "It's called a fraud."

Me, while teaching about types of nouns (common, proper, abstract, etc.): "Yes, alligator is a concrete noun because we can touch it."
Jake: "Mooom! Of course you can't touch an alligator. It would bite your fingers off!"

Zac, pointing to a full moon: "It's a quesadilla!"

Zac, sniffing: "Mommy, do you know what I smell?"
Me: "No, what do you smell?"
Zac, sniffing: "I don't smell anything."

Zac, pretending: "Would you like some kool-aid?"
Me: "Oh, sure."
Zac: "How about yes, please?"

 Jake: "What did Noah use to build the ark?"
Alyssa: "Wood!"
Jake: "What kind of wood"
Alyssa: "Tree wood!"

Zac, about my dad's bruised fingernail: "Hey, why did you paint that one blue?"

Jake: "Hey, Mom, stopit is a compound word!"
Me: "It's stop it; two words"
Jake: "Yeah, but two words together is a compound word. So stopit is a compound word."

Jake: "I'm going to be so sweaty, I'll be like piece of watermelon."

Jake: "Mom, you look better than the Devil."
Me, laughing: "Uh, thanks?"
Jake: "Even though most people think of him as an ugly red guy, we know that he was the most beautiful angel."

Me: ". . . and Alyssa was in my tummy."
Zac: "What?!? You ate her?

Zac: "Look at my face. It's stuck to my face."
Me: "What's stuck to your face?"
Zac: "My whole face is stuck to my face."
Me: "Well, isn't that a good thing?"
Zac: "Yeah. But how do I get it off?"
Me: "Why would you want to take your face off?"
Zac: "So I can be a monster!"

Alyssa: "Do you know why I chose a purple balloon? All the other ones tasted yucky."

Zac, because I found the train he had been looking for: "Aww, Mommy, I'm so proud of you!"

Jake, because his bandaid kept falling off: "Can't I just put duct tape on it?"

Me, pulling a green pepper out of the fridge: "Oh, no, it's wrinkly."
Alyssa: "You can iron it on the ironing board."

Alyssa, about the grilled cheese sandwiches, because Jake doesn't like cheese on most things: "Did you put cheese on Jake's?"

Zac: "Were you a kid when you were little?"

Zac, standing behind the pantry door: "Mommy, you go try to find me in the living room."

Jake: "If my arm gets cut off, can I get a robot arm?"

Jake, about something that had happened a couple hours earlier: "I remember it like it was yesterday."

Jake, tattling on Alyssa: "She's cheating more than I am!"

Alyssa: "I'm colder than a rotten egg."

Me: "Sleepy, Grumpy, Dopey, Happy, Doc, Bashful . . . hmm. . . and who's the last one?"
Jake: "Gimli."

Alyssa, while learning to tie shoes: "I've already learned how to untie them by myself."

Jake, while discussing his life's purpose: "I know why God made you and Dad. Because you're a perfect match."

Alyssa: "Tyler had his eyes open while we were praying!"

Zac, while grocery shopping: "I smell something."
Me: "What do you smell?"
Zac: "The wind. I smell the wind."

Zac, licking the sugar off the brown sugar bear: "What's this for?"
Me: "You get it wet and it keeps the brown sugar soft."
Zac: "I'm getting it wet for you!"

Jake, watching me apply makeup: "Are you wearing base?"
Me: ". . . Foundation?"
Jake: "Yeah, well, they mean the same thing."

Zac: "The moon is glow-in-the-dark."

Alyssa: "Sometimes when I eat too much, my tummy has a disappointment because it didn't want so much."
Jake, looking in the mirror: "I'm having a staring contest with myself."

The final installment of 2013 is yet to come, but in the meantime, if you'd like to read some more funny kid quotes, be sure to check out prior years of Kids Say the Funniest Things.

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